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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 1:37 pm
by parnassus
Me too, carebear. I will pray for you and for your sister.

It's good that you love your niece. I'm sure she loves you too. :) I have three beautiful nephews and two nieces, and I enjoy looking after them very much.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:02 pm
by carebear15
10:02 am 12-16-2005

Dear Diary,

yesterday, my chair clasped on me and i fell out of my chair and it also hurt my arm and i started crying from the pain i was in.
This chair fell apart in 2 pieces and it was so upsetting.

My cat even knows how to close the door and he is smart i can't believe it.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:44 pm
by madame_tigre
I'm sorry to hear about your incident with the chair.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:53 pm
by carebear15
3:36 pm 12-16-2005

Dear Diary,

Today, my dad was in a bad mood and he called me a retarded and retard, it was so mean what he did, excuse me he is suppose to be my father and he should not treat me like this and I am tired of being treated this way. I deserve to be treated right. I look up to my old special education teacher as a father figure because he cares about me and he doesn't treat me bad and he doesn't hurt me. He never abused me and treats me like a individual and i also have alot of people that really love me and care about me and that is my old high school and also my church family. I love being at church,I have so much fun and I play around in class. I told my sunday school teacher i am going to bring my cell phone and he said you better not, He already told my class that he is thinking about banning cell phones from the class room . I am in a sunday school class for college age kids. My dad also was using God's nam in vane when he was telling me to pick up the phone. My dad has been acting so a crouch and mean, and also a jerk. I don't get along with my dad that good, He is the one that abused me in high school. I was molested by my uncle and what he did was tickled me on my private part and i found this out after i started having flashbacks in 9th grade and this happened at age 7 or 8 years old and I liked money and He would tickle me and give me money, one day he started trying to tickle me and i told him to stop and told him to leave me alone,My uncle Jack is my uncle only by marriage and last summer when my mom was trying to get me to go to a party that was for my uncle david and She told me who was going to be there and my uncle jack was going to be there, and i said no, I just can't do that,I started jumping on the trampoline and listening to my cd player and I started crying and it was so scary time and I was not going to take any chance of getting molested again and i was not taking any chance of ending having nightmares after seeing him and I stayed strong and told my mom that i am not going. I am thankful i said no and I didn't give in, It could of took some of the progress i have made in my life away and It could of damaged me, and I told my old special education teacher what i decided and why and he knew all about my situation and He was my teacher for grades 9-11 and so I told him everything. I also go to the same church that he goes to, I told him what i said and why i was not going and he said that was a smart decision and i made the right choice and he was very proud of me and he said that i am right that i never know because my uncle could try to molest me , i really don't know, but i am so proud of my decision i made.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 9:23 am
by parnassus
I am proud of you too, carebear. But I think you should tell your mum about what your uncle did, especially if she wants you to go to another family party.

It might be better for you to live away from home so you can get away from the insults. You once said that you wanted to try life in a care home. In England we have something called 'sheltered accommodation' where people with disabilities (including dyspraxia, if it is severe enough) can be looked after. People knock on the door every day to check that you're OK and they help you if you need help, but apart from that you can go out to work and do whatever you like. Something similar to that might be good for you.

Remember that you may be diagnosed with mild mental retardation, but that doesn't make you a bad person. You can still love just as much as a 'normal' person - maybe even more than a 'normal' person - and in the eyes of Jesus, that's what counts. I'm glad you enjoy going to church. I like my church, too. We have a great time.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 7:09 pm
by carebear15
1:16 pm 12-17-2005

Dear Diary,

My dad seen me trying to slide down the railing of the stairs. He said get down from there and he showed me his fist. I seen people do that in the past. I thought it be fun to do that.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 7:13 pm
by parnassus
Don't do that, carebear. You might fall and hurt yourself.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 8:12 pm
by pinkparrot
It's not a great idea. I slid my teddy bear down a banister and it went very wrong. For this reason I would never try it myself.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 9:58 pm
by carebear15
4:57 pm 12-17-2005

Dear Diary,

I just got back from my nephew's birthday party.i left early because i got hurt . My nieces both was pushing me back and forth and i hit my head on the window ledge . i am in so much pain that i can't explain . it is a big bump that has a dent . I got hurt . I was asked are you okay , I just didn't say anything for a while and then i said ow ow ow ow ow. I am in so much pain . My niece's are both 6 years old. I kept from crying and it hurt so bad. I am hard headed so that would explain how bad my head had to hit the window ledge. My nephew will turn 4 years old on December 23,2005.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 10:16 pm
by pinkparrot
Sorry to hear about your hurt head. *sends virtual ice pack+flannel*

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:25 pm
by carebear15
6:24 pm 12-19-2005

Dear Diary,
when i was 11 months old, my mom was sweeping and she left the sweeper on and she leaned down to pick something up off the floor and i crawled up to the sweeper and put my finger in the sweeper and , where i put it in was in the area where the brush is under the sweeper, i found that part out today, and my mom said that she never had any kids that did that and would crawl to the sweeper and put their finger in the sweeper so after that had happened and my mom always made sure no kids were in the room where she sweeped and so i had to not be able to hear the sweeper because my mom said that no normal child would have done that. i asked someone so how loud is a sweeper and i was told that it is preety loud and so i had to be almost deaf to not be able to hear that. I am not able to hear certain sounds and i can't understand things even with my hearing aid in so I do have people complain to me that i get whatever they are saying wrong. When i was yonger at the time i had my hearing tested my mom was always told that i had a mild hearing loss and now i have a mild to moderate hearing loss , so I think it looks to me that my hearing is getting worse so I have been told by a sign language interpreter that i need to learn sign language and my sister last week complained that i am talking too loud and i told her i have my hearing aid in my ear, so that makes it tough that i still have people telling me i talk too loud and even with my hearing aid in my ear.

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:30 pm
by Thirteen-thirty-seven
Is there a place you can o for sign-language lessons?

PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:32 pm
by carebear15
10:06 am 12-22-2005

Dear Diary,

I been not feeling good. I already know i am on my period. yesterday my job coach couldn't take me to volunteer at the special school because she was sick. I will get to volunteer next month. I am having problems with going number 2 and I know i need to see a doctor and i am tired of spending along time in the bathroom, I had enough i need to tell someone bedcause i need to get some help with my problem and also I don't know if you all know of this other problem i have and it is called Trichotillomania where i pull my hair out of private places and also i pull pieces of my hair out of my hair, also i pull my eyelashes out and eyebrow hair out and i been doing this from 10th grade and i still do this problem. In high school , I banged my head on my desk,wall,and on stuff, windows in car and i still bang my head and i even bang my head on my computer desk and i been doing this from 9th grade and still do this and it is how i get my frustration out and i cope in different ways.

My teacher in high school said that if the principal comes in class and sees me doing that and he might think i need to be sent in a mental hospital or the special school.

In 9th grade i was doing my work and i decided to use to wall to do my school work on the wall and my teacher said what are you doing, I told him that i thought i do my work on the wall and i was told to sit down and do my work . He didn't understand how i would get my work done like that way.

There was this one girl that was put in my special education class because she got in trouble too much that they put her in our class. That was not fair , why do we have to suffer. One day she said are you deaf , i think that is what she said or it was that she called me deaf and i said , excuse me . What did you just call me? I found out what she called me and i was mad and i was going to get her for that. But the kids got me to leave it all alone. I felt like i was being assaulted , when that girl said that to me. This happened in 9th grade.

I also remember in 9th grade how my teacher had the answer key to our work at the table and i decided to copy it and do my work like that, and i got caught and man was he mad when he caught me cheating, I got in trouble for that. by the way it was math work.

To tell you all the truth I was so use to cheating because i cheated alot in 5th grade and i did alot of that in middle school also, but in high school i was still doing the same thing so I had a problem with cheating.

I remember different things and people can't believe what all i can remember.

I had trouble with a lot of stuff.

In 6th grade a girl was hiting me in the back alot and i was getting tired of that and tried to fight back but i got a pink slip and that girl got a office refferal and that girl was a 8th grader and I can't believe a 8th grader would pick on a 6th grader. I was bullied by her. This same girl was in the same special education class i was in, when i was in middle school.

PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:10 pm
by Thirteen-thirty-seven
You really need to see a doctor.

PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 2:38 pm
by carebear15
9:36 am 12-30-2005

Dear Diary,

I pay rent at my parent's house. People said that is not right. I agree with them. I pay for gas to go places. I pay $200.00 for rent. I pay $40.00 for gas. I am only 21 years old. My mom will not let me learn to get on a bus and learn the route's and everything,I believe I can learn all that, Just with some help. I think it is not fair that my won't let me move out. Everytime i bring it up, my mom says you are trying to turn the table on me. My mom tells me that i made her day bad . My mom makes me feel bad. It is hard to talk to her about moving out. I am starting to notice what is more important to her is my rent money and My gas money. I feel miserable living at my parent's house. I am so scared of my dad. I hate living in fear everyday. I have to be careful what i do so I don't get hit by my dad. My dad calls me names at home. On wednesday , my dad hit my 17 year old brother. I said stop and my dad starts saying stuff to me. My brother started coming upstairs and he was hitting his self in the face. My brother told my dad that he is going to jump out the upstairs window, My dad said he doesn't care what he does and told my brother to go for it. In this house it is drama. I felt like calling the police on wednesday but I am afraid that after i do that, I would be hurt by my dad and everybody in my family. I don't feel safe living at my parent's house. Not again I don't want this to start again that is what i been thinking. I need to find a place to live. I need to get everything planned out. I think my brother probably doesn't like living here also so if he wanted to move in a house with me and I would let him.. I ran to my big brother house and stayed with him for a while . I came home and nobody knew i was gone.