Relationships and Dyspraxia

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Relationships and Dyspraxia

Postby Creative » Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:19 pm

I have started a new thread about this as the last one was getting too long.

I haven't had a relatioship in 5 years and most of the time I don't mind being single. I worry that my dislike of touching skin may have complications and I can't think of a way around them.

After I broke up with my boyfriend I was very confused about relationships but I'm much more sorted out now. After the break up I went through a phase of going on an unsuitabe chat room that has now closed down. I can't believe I did this now. It makes me feel sick to think about it so I will try not to.
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Postby Steph » Wed Aug 13, 2008 5:00 pm

Since the age of 16, I have been in relationships for a total of 3 months and 4 days (2 different relationships). My first boyfriend was 2 years younger than me-he was 14 and I was 16 and we knew each other from school. He was very understanding of some of my more bizarre and eccentric behaviours as he had a sister with a form of epilepsy that lead to similar behaviours but that relationship ended when he touched me on my shoulders from behind to surprise me and I slapped him in the face :oops: (I can't tolerate being touched when I don't know who is touching me). He is on my Facebook friends list now though so it's good that he didn't hold it against me for too long.

My second relationship disaster was more recent-it occurred earlier this year in fact. Some people here may remember me being upset about it at the time-a guy who I knew through some friends and had known for a year asked me out after a party (I had been planning to tell him how I felt but he got there first). We hung around together for 4 days and I stupidly thought we were really close. Then I told him I was autistic-the next day, he dumped me via Facebook (not awfully mature for a 24 year old guy!) He then proceeded to tell several mutual friends that he had never wanted to go out with me anyway because he wanted a religious girlfriend and that he only asked me out because he was too drunk to function properly :( We avoided each other for almost 2 months but eventually I told him exactly how he had made me feel-that conversation lasted two and a half hours and took place in his car and I have never concentrated on vanilla icecream so much in my life-all I could do was twirl it round and round with my spoon-for some reason, that stopped me from crying :? I have since discovered that he appears to have a problem relating to any female-he has been highly aggressive to 2 female friends of his following attempted relationships with them, even threatening to have a physical fight with one of them :shock: Somehow I don't think the priest was aware of all this when he decided to make him Cathsoc President for the next academic year :roll:

Although I do have issues with touch, this has never affected me with any guy I've been with for some reason (apart from the touching shoulders incident). I had (and, to some extent, still have) a huge crush on a friend of mine who I've known since early childhood and when I became extremely visibly distressed in his presence one night, he took my hand and caressed it in order to reassure me and calm me down and I found that incredibly relaxing. Unfortunately, when I fall for someone, I fall for them extremely hard and tend to place all my faith and hope in them. The guy I have just mentioned knows how I feel but has a girlfriend-I know it sounds horrible because she's not a bad person at all and it's not like I have any say over this guy's life but, until recently, whenever I saw a photo of the two of them together, I felt an incredible nausea rising in my stomach :( I am slowly healing from this though.

I think my main problem with relationships is that I'm too intense-to me, being with someone means you would give anything for them and do anything for them in an emotional sense-apparantly the "normal" way of dating is pretty casual. My support worker at uni told me not to focus on just one guy at a time but, to me, that seemed like she was telling me to be a cheat and that's not me at all. I hope, one day, I will find that special guy who is willing to take me on despite my eccentricity and intensity, but somehow I'm doubtful :(
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Postby C » Wed Aug 13, 2008 5:46 pm

Well I've never been out with anyone. Ever. And I'm 21 tomorrow. How sad is that? :oops: :cry:
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Postby Creative » Wed Aug 13, 2008 6:33 pm

That's not sad C. You just haven't met the right person yet.

I've only had 2 boyfriends. The first one was rather odd and was obsessed with hypnosis which I found rather frightning. He'd say things like "Now you are in my power" and then kiss me.

The second boyfriend wanted me to tell him I loved him before we even got together. It made me feel under pressure all the time and I thought he expected me to be perfect. He finished with me because he didn't think I was interested in him. I was but I wanted to have other interests besides the relationship.

When he broke up with me I had no girl friends my own age to talk to and was very lonley and confused. If I had had friends to talk to back then I would not have needed to go on chatrooms. Thankgoodness I have learnt to be so much more sensible on the internet nowdays. If I had had DT then I also wouldn't have gone in chatrooms.

Did anyone else on here go on chat rooms or sites like that before they found DT?
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Postby parnassus » Wed Aug 13, 2008 6:44 pm

I have never been in a chatroom before. They just don't interest me. I prefer forums to spontaneous chat anyway.

I have never had a proper a boyfriend either, although since the beginning of my third year at Cambridge I have had something that falls halfway between friendship and relationship. The person in question has Asperger's Syndrome and OCD. We have been able to help each other numerous ways, and we also have similar interests - the Middle East being one of them. He studied economics and has a deep interest in politics, so I love discussing world affairs with him. We both have a different knowledge base, so I always come away from a conversation with him feeling much better informed.

However, I have felt a strong desire to be a nun from quite a young age. In Catholicism this isn't like a career choice - it is a vocation or a calling, or what one of my Russian Catholic friends poetically translates as a 'life way'. My friend is not Catholic and doesn't really understand why anybody would want to be a nun or a priest. However, he respects it quite deeply and has been very supportive of me in my search.
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Postby Creative » Wed Aug 13, 2008 6:50 pm

Chat rooms are not interesting and are unsafe. A message board is much safer, is monitored and has clearer boundaries.

Will write more later.
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Postby littlemadangel » Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:04 pm

My first relationship was when I was 15....Looking back I think I was too young and just not ready. The guy had Aspergers, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia. I had Dyspraxia. It seemed to mainly built on peer pressure.
The two of us didnt speak to eachother very much, it was all really uncomfortable and I broke it off after 10 days-much to relief of both of us I think.

I went off boys after that for a while. Well, I fancied people but didnt really wanna go with out. Fast forward about 4 yrs.

Then I got a job as a temporary admin assistant. During my last few weeks in that job (i was a 1 yr contract), a guy who I had previously only said "hi" too moved up into our section. People started saying we fancied eachother but we didnt. I had to leave in July of last year.. We found ourselves keeping in contact and meeting up to get the bus home and stuff, emailing all the time. We didnt really do much talking but we were good company for eachother...He was there for me when the going got tough and we understood eachother. I eventually admitted to him that I liked him, he was okay and so nice about the whole thing but we agreed it wouldnt work due to us being so different personality-wise and friends wise. Anyway continued to stay in contact. Didnt see him for about a month at one point so decided to email him, see what he was up to. He asked me out for a drink that evening, I went along with it. We talked rubbish and it was really akward for a bit. Then he took my hand and I dont know how or what happened-but we ended up kissing.

That was 5 months ago, we're still together. Still kinda getting used to it. He's dyspraxic too, so it helps....Its not always easy though and can require a lot of patience, tolerance and understanding from both sides. But we're willing to give it a try...

(However I do recall thinking about calling it off after 3 weeks cos it felt "weird" but I stuck with it. And that feeling passed)
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Postby Steph » Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:38 pm

C wrote:Well I've never been out with anyone. Ever. And I'm 21 tomorrow. How sad is that? :oops: :cry:

I don't think that's sad-if anything, I think it's sensible as it shows that you are very responsible about relationships and are too dedicated to approach it casually.
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Postby Spoon » Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:57 pm

I've had a few relationships the longest being one at 15 which lasted almost a year, one at 18 which lasted 8months and the one I'm in now which has been 15 months. In between all of those were a few little ones of a few months or less. My social differences caused issues in the shorter ones and added an extra dynamic to the longer once, hens staying with them! Whilst anxiety issues have caused a strain on all of my relationships there have been parts of my differences that partners have really liked! These include the fact that I get so happy by certain things like music and bright lights and that I talk passionately about certain subjects for hours. My current relationship is in many ways what most people would consider 'between friends and partners' as it is much more romantic than sexual, which most people can't get their heads around. Relationships are all about knowing people's boundaries. If you have sensory or social difficulties then don't be put off relationships entirely because if someone cannot move within your boundaries then they are not the one for you, but there are many people who will.
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Postby Creative » Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:24 pm

I don't get to meet anyone who I might have a relationshp with. I don't meet young people at my work placements and I hate gong out in the evening.

Sometimes I think I like the idea of having a relationshp agian but then I remember problems from previous relationshops and I think I don't want this.

If I met the right person I hope that touching skin would be ok.
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Postby chocolatefudgecake » Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:33 am

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now, but he's the only one I've had. The problem for us is that, whilst i don't useually have a problem with touching people (For Example, I can hug my friends and family), I feel uncomfortable touching my Boyfriend.
Does anyone else have that problem?
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Postby Dan » Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:18 am

I've possibly met someone, I don't know though, she's told me she likes me but she blows hot and cold like crazy, and gets incredibly jealous, I haven't spoken to her since yesterday, what do I do everyone, text her, or leave it and wait for her to text me? (I don't want to appear needy)
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Postby druchi » Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:55 am

id say let her do the talking

I have been single since febuary and trust me its far better than being in a 'relationship' bieng single is easier you dont have any complications and you dont have to bullshit anybody you can speak your mind and not by peer pressured into things so easily

relationships with all this lovedovey "i love you" crap pisses me off

i dont know what love is i doubt i will for a long time but i love my music i love my friends i love my guitar thats ok showing how much you have affection for something i just imagine love is like that just a little more.
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Postby Creative » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:31 pm

We are all still young. There is a lot of time left for us to have relationships. And they don't always last even if you get married to someone.

I would like the experience of one again but I haven't met anyone I like.
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Postby Tess » Thu Sep 11, 2008 6:41 am

I never used to want to be in relationships because of self esteem problems, me being tactile defensive and generally not what you'd call the perfect sophisticated girlfriend. But I've been in a steady relationship for the past year and a half. It's been tough overcoming some of my confidence related issues but I've never felt more at home. And in the past six months I've started to notice things like his illegible handwriting/spelling, how he hates shoes with laces, and how he knocks things over almost as frequently as I do. Could it possibly be... ? XD
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