How am I supposed to feel?

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

How am I supposed to feel?

Postby DystantMind » Thu Jul 01, 2010 9:20 pm

I'm Dyspraxic (obviously), seventeen and currently studying my A-Levels at college in England.

I've got a lot of stress and anger inside me and I don't know whether to blame myself or my circumstances. I used to blame myself for everything, and told myself I was just lazy and unmotivated. Now I'm unsure. Aswell as Dyspraxia I've now been diagnosed with Chronic Sinusitis which I think I've probably had since I was around thirteen or fourteen; perhaps even before. Without getting to deep into the subject, it can seriously drag people down and reduce their performance. This, teamed up with Dyspraxia, I guess I'm not gonna be the sharpest kid in the class.

Since I've been diagnosed, I've put most everything down to the sinustis. I get serious brain fog. That is when your brain doesn't really function well, your memory is poor and you forget simple words. I've read that there is a link between brain fog and sinusitis, as sinusitis can cause fatigue and generally block up your head.

That's a bit of background for you... If you've read this far, thanks for bearing with me.

At college I've been labelled uncommited and unpunctual by my tutors, and hence lost my EMA bonus. Now, it's not really the money I'm unhappy about, although I deem it unfair that I shan't be recieving it even though there probably are people out there less deserving of it who will be recieving it. (Yeah, as you can see, I have a lot of anger and cynicsm)). What's really got to me is that I can be labelled uncommited. Uncommited? I can tell you, my attendance levels are basically 100%. Yes, I've had a few lates, but I think you can forgive them seeing as I am a dyspraxic teenager. I don't mean to make excuses for myself, but not everything is my fault, surely?

I could seriously go on forever, but I've just realised I'm going on about nothing interesting and, unbeknowsnt to me, I'm baballing on about how crap my life is. But I know I'm not living the worst life possible. I'm not ignorant. I just don't usually think about my own life. I'm pretty unmotivated and I dare say depressed. I feel like life is agaisn't me. And even though what I have written may seem small; when it is built up with everything else that seems to go wrong, I just lose my rational mind. I become angry. I'm angry right now. I'm in a cruical stage of my life and yet, it seems my life is going nowhere. I have aspirations, sure, but too pessimistic and unmotivated to see them as anywhere near possible.

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel as if I've got any friends and that any authority figures I talk to don't actually care. My mum is always having a go at me for things that don't even matter. Constant arguments and nagging about things that aren't important.

Can I blame things on my sinusitis? I know you're not going to be medical experts and probably won't know much about it... but that is also my problem. I can tell myself it's all my fault and the illness isn't what is dragging me down; but then what if it is? I feel like a I can't function properly, but is that just my personality? I want to do well, I know what I want to do...but I can't seem to physically and mentally achieve what I want.

Thanks for reading.
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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

Postby James Brimer » Thu Jul 01, 2010 9:24 pm

have you tried mediation, (I go really deep, so deep I almost can't hear people speaking around me, bliss :mrgreen: ) or telling your tutors you have Dyspraxia????

Hope this helps :D

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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Sat Jul 03, 2010 2:04 pm

*hugs* I'm so sorry that things are so hard for you. I think you need to talk to your teachers about how hard you're finding thingds. It doesn't seem fair that you're being punished for things which aren't your fault.
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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

Postby abi » Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:29 pm

there is no set way you should feel, evryone deals with things differently.
do your teachers know why you struggle, it might be helpful to let them know, and if they do, maybe you can ask your colleges SPLD team to send them a message.
the way i see it, dyspraxia is an extra hurdle in every race i run, but that extra hurdle, is just extra exercise, so in the end, i will come through stronger.
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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

Postby Max Meads » Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:22 pm

I know how u feel. Today one person took the mickey out of me because I run funny. I cant see the funny side. Dyspraxia is definitely no picnic and I'd like to see how he copes with it. I never have been the best at PE [i may be one of the worst], but I've made the best of it. Because of Dyspraxia, i have been voted boys team captain for sports day! Although, another boy [a different one to the 1st 1] said, 'why did we elect a spastic for our captain', but he isn't very nice, so I just put up with it.

I'll tell you the 1 thing u need 2 do to stop people teasing u. DO NOT SHOW EMOTION. If u do, it encourages them. Just take it on the chin and carry on with ur life

Hope this helps u all out there :)
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