Step Dad Needs a Bit of Help Understanding

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Step Dad Needs a Bit of Help Understanding

Postby thewelshexile » Sun Jul 25, 2010 11:30 am

Hi All,

I know that this is a board for teenagers but, I wondered if you all could give me a bit of advise.

I'm with a wonderful woman who I love dearly and she has two wonderful children. Darren the oldest of the 2 is dispraxic and I'm having a few issues with it (sorry).

I was wondering if I may be allowed to ask a few questions.

Darren seems very immature to me in the way he handles his emtions, I know it is to do with the Dyspraxia and would like some help on how to deal with this. He has told his mother he is afraid of me and it is causing problems.

My problem is I'm 2m tall and have a loud ex-miltary voice, so when he is told off (As all teenagers are from time to time) the voice and size must scare him. Is there another way I can approach this? It is starting to effect my feelings for him as I'm affraid to even speak to him as his mother says now he must speak to her about everything. And, I cannot scold him in anyway.

I make time to take him out to his favourate comic book store and try to be some sort of father to him. Is there anything else that I could make as a social trip for us?

So please don't rag me off, I would just like your expert advise on how I can build a lasting and good relationship with my son
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Re: Step Dad Needs a Bit of Help Understanding

Postby Alice » Sun Jul 25, 2010 12:45 pm

hmm, I'm fairly sure I've been told it's to do with dyspraxia and such that I like niether loud noises nor change. Perhaps he has similar issues, in which case you could try speaking quietly and giving him time to get used to you. Also, try not to force him to be sociable by talking at him or bombarding him with questions. It can be very overwhelming and intimidating.

Also, it's probably best to avoid focusing on being a father figure for now. I've had friends complaining before that step parents try to act too much like the parents that raised them, and that all it does is make them seem a little pushy. You're probably best just trying to get on with him as an older friend, and not trying to get what he probably consideres unearned respect.

Also, perhaps most importantly, you should really be talking to his Mum about these issues. Tell her you want to understand and get on with him, and ask her how she feels you should go about it. After all, she probably knows him the best, and is probably quite anxious for you to get allong.
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Re: Step Dad Needs a Bit of Help Understanding

Postby thewelshexile » Sun Jul 25, 2010 1:14 pm

Thanks, I'll have to give it a try.

He is away for a few weeks with his grandparents and we will most prob have a day out when he is back.

I see what you mean by my voice. So, I'll try with a softer touch (If an old squadie can).

I'll be back in touch as this has a large learn curve for me.


Thank you very much :-)
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Re: Step Dad Needs a Bit of Help Understanding

Postby C » Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:42 pm

Hi,

Nice to 'meet' you. It's interesting to hear from relatives perspectives. It sounds like you're trying really hard with Darren, how old is he?

Maybe you could try scolding him in a softer voice, or wait until after the situation has passed and he is a bit calmer, then explain to him, clearly and gently what was wrong with his behaviour?

I think sometimes a really good thing is patience, as well.

That's all I can think of right now, hope this helped a bit,

Charlotte
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