Uh...Is this "normal"?

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby MontyDyspraxia » Sat Aug 07, 2010 4:01 pm

I was talking about this with my mum and she's just as baffled as I am.



I relate to and even understand how fictional characters work but I have no idea how to relate to real people. Example: in early 2009 Alister Fletcher, my favourite character, from the Tomb Raider series was killed which made me depressed for six months but when my own grandad died in 2006, I didn't grieve at all, even though I do miss him every now and again. It would explain why movies are so important to me. So this a part of the dyspraxia or another disorder or am I just crazy?


It's just something I've noticed recently.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby Dan » Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:00 pm

I'd be absolutely devastated if my Grandmother died but I have an unusually close relationship with her. It could just be that you weren't all that close with your Granddad. It's important not to force emotions. I have never experienced close bonding with fictional characters but perhaps you do because you play Tomb Raider in Lara's shoes which gives you a sort of powerful empathy with her and others in the game.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby Fenrir » Sat Aug 07, 2010 8:25 pm

Im kind of the same, but its more music that brings out my emotions, and also animals. Put on any song, and it can make me feel a whole mix of things. When our last cat got put down beggining of last year, it was one of the only times something like thats made me truelly upset (when my great nan died when i was about 6, i was a bit sad for about a week, but otherwise it didnt really affect me emotionally, yet, i still miss my cat :( )

Plus, it was around the same time that our cat was put down that i started listening to music a lot, so mayby theres a small connection there? :|


Also i dont feel excitement much, even if i show it. Sometimes, say at christmas with opening presents etc, it always felt forced when i'd say thank you to my parents etc.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby MontyDyspraxia » Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:53 pm

Dan wrote:I'd be absolutely devastated if my Grandmother died but I have an unusually close relationship with her. It could just be that you weren't all that close with your Granddad. It's important not to force emotions. I have never experienced close bonding with fictional characters but perhaps you do because you play Tomb Raider in Lara's shoes which gives you a sort of powerful empathy with her and others in the game.

No, no. I was very close to my grandad. I was his favourite grandchild :P
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby Remus » Sun Aug 08, 2010 12:04 am

I can totally relate to that! I'm cheering when a character I hate such a bad villain or something gets their demise but when one of my favourite characters dies, I do get emotional about it.

When Ianto Jones died in Torchwood Season 3, I was gutted, total devastation. I was just blue for the couple of weeks after it. But I went online and looked on the SaveIantoJones website (wahoo!) and what so surprise to see so many other people just completely grief stricken and upset about it. They even set up a shrine in Cardiff which just amazed me.

As for actual grief, I'm not had any family die, well close family yet and I don't even want to think about it but when my cats die, Tommy and Lucky, there was a few tears but I remember just going numb, not feeling much at all.

Remember, everyone deals with grief differently.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby abi » Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:32 am

im the other way. i have a state total apathy towards tv and game characters, but with real world emotions (my own and others), i feel them so strongly i have to really try to block them out, yet i struggle to show them accuratly.

for example, i have had 2 people die, neither close relatives, but i went to both the funerals, and i cared about both, and i was really upset for ages, and still am. but in the little TV i wacth, i can sit there impassivley, while even my dad and brother are in floods of tears.
the way i see it, dyspraxia is an extra hurdle in every race i run, but that extra hurdle, is just extra exercise, so in the end, i will come through stronger.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby Super Nekou » Sun Aug 08, 2010 3:31 pm

I understand totally. I dont tend to get as bothered by character deaths or the like now, but I do get a little sad when they leave a game or a film or the like [though I was devastated when a certain Turian in Mass Effect died..].
Havent had any major family die, other than my cat..whom I grieved a lot for, but I do love cats.

Not so much related but I also get incredibly attatched to items. I cried like crazy when I accidently broke my favourite glass when I was much younger.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby Steph » Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:09 am

I get very attached to fictional characters too (I got really upset when Lucas punched Patrick in Eastenders!) but I am also very sensitive with emotions in everyday life too. It really doesn't take a lot to make me cry or laugh.
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Postby Will-I-Am-Dyspraxic » Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:28 am

Yeah i get heaps connected to characters in movies and shows, especially animals. I was reading recently that Dyspraxic people tend 2 be very caring, maybe this has something to do with caring so much about fictional characters. Also, i play cricket and he club season in Aussie just started 2day, i took my first catch (yay) but it was hit at me at a decent pace and i dropped it but managed 2 scoop it up agian before it hit the ground, i fumbled becuase i forgot 2 hold on to it one it got to me, yet catching is natural to the rest of my team. Is forgetting to hold on to the ball a dyspraxic thing. Uh... is that normal
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby JamesStanley » Sat Sep 18, 2010 10:01 am

Yeah im the same i watch alot of the tv series and get feeling for the characters for example when dr. weir was captured by the replicators in stargate atlantis and i thought she was dead it made me very sad. :(

Also welcome to the forum will-i-am-dyspraxic :D
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby missteacup » Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:16 pm

When my auntie died in November, I was terrified over my inability to encourage emotions. I'm not apathetic by any means, but I'm not empathetic much at all: I've found I only really feel something if it's happened to me, and I can actually relate to it. When my sister was involved in a motor bike accident and couldn't walk or play football, there were times I shrugged her problems off, because I didn't feel the pain they were causing her.

And yet, I've cried at books, been angry at characters in films, felt love between people in dramas. I've used this in a positive way, reminding myself how I felt for a character when a similar situation arises in real life.

I think this phenomenon must come from a couple of things: firstly, the fact that you are watching something that has been made for an audience; something that is focused on inspiring the viewer/reader/listener to feel a certain way. Secondly, it's sometimes much easier to see things from a distance than close up; from an emotional viewpoint, I'd say it was easiest to be at a distance than in the thick of it almost everytime - because the things that have happened to a person always seem to cause their future behaviours on television, for example, it's much more easy to understand a character 'in person' than an actual person we know. In the same way, we might feel we know a character better than a person.
Finally, but on a similar note, characters are introduced to us: depending on how they are written or acted we might feel a different way about a character than a person because at times, we might know as much about them as their best friend would - we see them as someone we know and love, and who's always open to us (the viewer) rather than someone who might be distant in more ways than one.

None of this applies to any real life relationships we might have, making them all the more difficult to develop and maintain. Does that make any sense?
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby PopOnImpact » Mon Sep 27, 2010 3:29 pm

I can relate entirely to you, One of my uncles killed himself the other day, now I'm not going to say we were particularly close but my parents were & I find myself not caring in the slightest, emotionally anyway. Logically yes I do care but that's a sorry substitute for compassion, but like you I find myself extremely receptive to media such as films and books, crying at the end of films such as Click but not be at all bothered by the thoughts of my own parents and my sisters sadness at losing a relative that is closer to them than to me but also at my own lack of response to a family member who I liked and get on with. So while I cannot explain the phenomena, I can relate and sometimes knowing you're not alone is enough.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby wadey » Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:20 pm

I can relate to this; I get really upset if an animal of mine dies and will cry for hours and even thinking about them gets me upset.

but when my grandad on my mum side died, i was upset but only cried for about 2 mintues then felt fine, and when my grandad on my dad side died I didnt even feel upset, dont get me wrong I loved them to bits and wish i could talk to them still.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Tue Sep 28, 2010 10:32 am

PopOnImpact - I'm extremely sorry to hear about your uncle. Sometimes when something that big happens, it's so big it doesn't "hit you" for a while.
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Re: Uh...Is this "normal"?

Postby DyspraxiaNoMore » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:56 pm

Remus wrote:Remember, everyone deals with grief differently.


I think Remus summed it up best. While I can't say that I felt particularly close to a fictional character, I have had friends who actually HAVE. Some people don't connect with OTHER people and while others may think it's "odd", I personally don't. Everyone is different and sometimes certain emotions can't be helped. About 99% of the time, you can't FORCE an emotion, so I would just say go with it. It's more than obvious that you loved your granddad (why would you be wondering about the grief aspect otherwise?). Perhaps you appreciated what was...

This reminds me of a great Dr.Seuss quote. "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened!"
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