Scared senseless

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Scared senseless

Postby parnassus » Sat Nov 20, 2004 11:06 pm

I went to a party tonight, to celebrate someone's eighteenth birthday. I'm still shaking. The room was packed with noise, bright flashing disco light, bodies, and smells. My senses overloaded and I could feel my thoughts fizzing like Coca-Cola corked up tightly in a bottle that has been shaken good and hard. At one point all I could think of was, "Have to get out of here NOW!" So I took my book and my pencil and went to sit in the garden, irregardless of the fact that it was three degrees celsius outside, and huddled up on an icy bench. I like the cold. It calms me. Much to the amusement of some other party-goers, I sat there alone and read for half an hour to calm down. When I dared to venture back inside, I couldn't cross the centre of the room, but had to skirt round the edges. I did dance briefly, but needed two close friends to stand in between me and everyone else.

Very few people understand exactly how terrifying this sort of situation can be. When I tentatively announced that I was thinking of going to this party, the reaction was, "Good for you. Get out and have some fun for once!"

Fun?

Tomorrow I will probably regret writing this, but for now I am still frightened and my thoughts are still frothing. Has anyone else experienced this sort of sensory dysfunction?
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Postby Helen » Sun Nov 21, 2004 10:11 am

Hello Vicky,
Hope by the time you read this you have recovered from all the 'fun' of the party. I do not have dyspraxia, but can relate to some of your experiences. I hate crowded, noisy places and parties have to be the worst! I never could understand how partying is classified as socialising, when you cannot hear what anyone is saying over the music and have to shout at everyone to be half understood. The pushing and shoving gets worse as the night goes on and the drink flows faster- all I want to do is go home.
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Postby parnassus » Sun Nov 21, 2004 12:04 pm

Thank you Helen,

I have recovered now, though I am very forgetful and scatty today - even more so than usual! I think my brain undertakes to punish me heavily the next day if I take it anywhere it doesn't appreciate. :?

Oh well, I tried. The teachers in the boarding school think I ought to go out regularly as part of some intensive social skills training package to prepare me for university. (Not that bellowing at top pitch over loud music, getting trodden on by drunkards and having to escape to a freezing garden really qualify as vital social skills!) I did tell them that I plan to spend my university years camping in the library, but this did not go down well. :roll:

I am struggling with sixth-form life in general at the moment. The inspectors are in town and this means that we have to hand over our French files, so they can see a sample of A-Level French work. Err...file? Me? I don't keep files! I lose them four days into the term! So far I have found quite literally one item to include in my 'file'. I don't know how I'm going to bluff my way out of this one. My French teacher is being reassuring, telling us that the inspectors are aware 'of your differing levels of organisation', but I'm still worried.

They also want to inspect the boarding house. Inspection of boarding house = tidy rooms. Grrrr. Why can't we just exhibit ourselves in our natural state?! Tidying up gives a false impression!

At least, this is my justification for not being able to do it. :)
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Postby Chaz » Sun Nov 21, 2004 12:53 pm

Hi Vicky,

I know exactly what you mean about parties. I have never been clubbing or anything like that because I know I wouldn't be able to stand it. People say how would I know that if I've never been and usually I would agree that you cannot know if you'll like something if you haven't tried it but I can imagine myself there and in my imagination I am standing in the background watching people dance and get drunk, have a headache from the music and flashing lights and am generally not having a lot of fun.

When I read your description of the party:

'My senses overloaded and I could feel my thoughts fizzing like Coca-Cola corked up tightly in a bottle that has been shaken good and hard. At one point all I could think of was, "Have to get out of here NOW!" '

I could totally identify with you, you are certainly not the only one to feel this way. That was a very good description of how I feel too, you are very lucky and very clever to be able to put it into such words.

I would also rather read a book or go to a library than go clubbing or to a noisy party. Something else I hate is shopping. It's hard to hate shopping because the majority of girls my age love it. My thirteen year old sister certanily does, trying on clothes, looking at things she wants to buy for herself, buying presents for people. Recently me and hher wnet shopping to Bluewater. It was a saturday and it was so busy in the run up to Christmas. Everywhere I walked I saw people coming towards me, in all different directions. Everywhere I turned I was bumping into people or peoples clothes were brushing against me. I was hot and tired and felt dizzy. I kept breathing in and out really loudly I felt like I was having a panic attack (maybe I was). I was totally disorientated, when people I was with spoke to me their voices sounded so far away. I felt like a robot, my body was fine but my brain had disappeered! Neadless to say I brought nothing that day. I still have to go Christmas shopping to get people presents and I'm dreading it.

I also struggle with organisation. At this moment in time I am typing this, on 'google' search engine trying to find out about suitable child theorists to link with an observation I have done and printing out a finished assignment. That's just how I work. I try to be organised, I have files for work but work gets lost and messy so easily. My bedroom is a mess of all of these files. It's a wonder I get anything done at all but I'm doing really well at college at the moment so I must be doing something right.

Please try not to worry about your inspectors they are there to inspect your school and not you.
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Postby Matt » Sun Nov 21, 2004 9:13 pm

Hi Vicky,

Parties? Fun? What could possibly be fun about having your eyesight blinded with flashing lights, being deafened by music and shouting, beign pushed around by crowds and being the only person not having a good time? :roll: :wink:

Seriously, I agree with you. Parties like that are no fun for me. If it's quiet and peaceful with not many people, it's good enough for me!!! :wink:
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Postby Vicky » Sun Nov 21, 2004 9:43 pm

Because I live in a boarding school, we all had to get back by eleven-thirty at the latest. As all the boarding house guests were very disappointed at having to leave so 'early' (do they not get tired??) they insisted that we get there for half-past seven on the dot, which was the time the party was due to start.

For the first half an hour or so, there were only about seven or eight people in the room! It was brilliant! The DJ was playing quiet music, there was room to move, I could hear people speaking, and I managed to get through a glass of Diet Coke without spilling a drop. (I don't drink alcohol - I have no wish to go against the law, and I don't think anything stronger than Coke would do wonders for my balance!)

That is what a party should be like. That's how they must do things on my imaginary planet Praxia...
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Postby esioul (too lazy to login » Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:07 pm

I'm not too bad with crowded/noisy situations these days- in parties anyway. If I've had a drink or two (and I usually restrict it to that, as I don't like to get silly and make a fool of myself), then I generally enjoy myself. I hate crowded town centres and shopping centres though- although I also like shopping..... the best thing to do is to go very early in the morning, at the time when the shops first open, and then not too many people are around for an hour or two.
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Postby Ann Ony-Mous » Mon Apr 04, 2005 6:10 pm

I know what you mean too, but I don't get it on quite such a large scale now as I did when I was younger.
When the going gets tough...the tough get going.
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party

Postby k9ruby » Tue Apr 05, 2005 4:09 pm

Hi Vicky,

Parties? Fun? What could possibly be fun about having your eyesight blinded with flashing lights, being deafened by music and shouting, beign pushed around by crowds and being the only person not having a good time? Rolling Eyes Wink

Seriously, I agree with you. Parties like that are no fun for me. If it's quiet and peaceful with not many people, it's good enough for me!!! Wink


I SO AGREE WITH YOU!! I hate discos, my best m8 is having one this year and guess what? shes arranged for us to and my other bestie to have a sleepover , try to stay up l8 and eat popcorn and CHOCOLATES whilst we are all in a comfy bed watching movies all night -SHe knows me very well and SHES THE BEST!
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