Social ineptness

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Postby parnassus » Fri Jun 17, 2005 9:51 pm

Hello Mattie,

First of all, don't decry your education. So many people in this world would give so much to have your opportunity. I think I would be happy to spend the rest of my life in academia. A good education will bring you all the independence you could want.

I am not very socially competent either. I've never been to a pub or a nightclub and I don't intend on going. I live in a boarding school, where our daily life is governed by stringent rules that frustrate the other sixth-formers. I don't mind them. I have independence of spirit, and that's what truly counts. It takes more independence not to be frustrated by the rules than it does to challenge them.

I know I am different and that won't change. It takes me a very long time to make new friends - a time that is often fraught with pain. Yet the few friendships I do make are wonderful. Some friends are worth waiting for - you appreciate them all the more when you've got them.

As dyspraxia and Asperger Syndrome so often overlap, I think you should join your university's AS society when you get there. It will surprise you to see how many people share your thoughts and feelings - even though, if you'll pardon my gentle correction, those thoughts are false. You aren't lacking in social skills; your social skills are just a little different to the norm.

The thoughts may not be real, but the feelings are, and they need to be dealt with. Have you spoken to your GP, as we advised? It might help.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Postby mattie » Sat Jun 18, 2005 12:26 am

You seem so sad but i can't help but get the feeling that here is a fine young man with a wicked sense of humour deep down inside him but just hasn't found the right people to share it with, and that past experiences socially has maybe knocked your confidence a bit. Forgive me and please tell me if i am wrong

I don't think it's necessarily just a question of bad past experiences - though they have been numerous and probably haven't helped.

I'm very polite to people but for some reason I don't allow people to get close. This has always been the case - even form an early age.

You aren't lacking in social skills; your social skills are just a little different to the norm.

That's one way of putting it!

Have you spoken to your GP, as we advised?

Yep. Should be a bit better in a month hopefully.

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social ineptness

Postby kaff » Sat Jun 18, 2005 3:58 am

Hi mattie, thanks for telling me what u told me and i'm sorry if what i said didn't sound right but i'm not so good with words like everyone else here. My Amy doesn't seem to like to get too close to people either, I'm her mum yet i still have to keep my distance to some extent. And i didn't say there was anything wrong with your social skills - i believe you are a fine young man who is polite and courteous, but i know for a fact that when i'm out with Amy (polite as she is) if she bumps into someone by accident and apologises and they still give her the look and say things like she's some idiot - that it knocks what little confidence she has managed to gain back a step or twenty (and i am there to see it and it makes me so dam mad at peoples attitudes that i'm not sorry to say but i do swear at them sometimes)then i have to try n build her confidence back up
Anyways i 'd better go now cos of the time - i'm only up so late cos i've got pains n problems too
Ihope you r feeling better too and wish you well
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Postby alexlaird87 » Sun Jun 19, 2005 9:41 am

i've always found the easyest way to get someone to like you is to ask them questions about themselves. People like to talk about themselves, and the like people who ask.

just make sure the person your making friends with is the sort of person you want as a friend first. also note this does not work on all people.
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