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He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:38 am

Sorry for the long message but I think it should be explained fully:

I have experienced, and I know many of you will have experienced the lack or no understanding by others concerning learning differences.

But a comment from my 13 year old brother really took the biscuit last night and he swooped to a low level I never knew he was capable of.

To explain my brother is a 'high-flyer' achiever, he goes to a top school, he tops pretty much every class and is popular with most (if not all) teachers and some of the other students because of his standards. With this he has become arrogant and looks down at others not as 'talented' as him. He has no empathy towards others feelings except for him and his friends, and almost seems to sneer at 'lower' people than himself. I have noticed it, but my parents haven't and it seems to only get worse as time has moved on. He might grow out of it, but I have my doubts.

So I came home from a pretty long day at work, I was tired and even had a Scouters meeting to attend to in the evening, so I wasn't exactly in a positive frame of mind, I just wanted to relax, but I knew I couldn't.

I sat in a chair next to my brother, who was watching CBBC. I am not sure if anyone else was watching it at this time, but about 5:25 a programme on about Autism came on (which of course comes under the same umbrella as Dyspraxia because of it's similarities). I saw my brother 'inching' himself towards the controls to the TV-in which case I told him that he might learn something about different people and the way they work. Anyway I wanted to watch it because I am always interested in these types of programs.

To my disgust and horror he replied "I do not want to watch stupid people" and promptly changed the channel. I, on the defending side, explained that he was out of order with that comment and there was no need for such a brutal verbal abuse on others not like him.

My parents rushed to HIS defence and told Me OFF for having a go at him-even though he needs to be told what he said was wrong on so many levels. :roll:

I was speechless and hurt, :x I can understand my brothers lack of understanding, he's young and naive-but the comment he said and my parents reaction to ME was not the correct response. Am I over reacting?

I do not know what to say or do, I have talked to other people and they agree my brother was completely out of order.

He is too arrogant to 'teach' anything outside the school curriculum, so I like to know how will I convince him to have a better moral respect of others around him? My parents can't/won't do it, the school has nothing to offer either so that leaves me.

The sky's the limit, or in my brothers case, the classroom ceiling. :roll:

Re: He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:30 pm

Your parents should teach your brother about the condition, as people with dyspraxia and those under the autistic spectum are not stupid but quite the opposite - and you should try and get him to understand that those with learning difficulties are not inferior or 'stupid'. There are many different types of intelligences not just in an academical sense, and where often people struggle in one area they excel in another. I think in many aspects it can be difficult for siblings of those with Dyspraxia and other disabilities, because they feel like they don't get enough time or attention etc.

Re: He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:13 pm

I agree they should, but they don't. They don't fully understand the dyspraxia themselves. In fact this should be taught in school, it should be a core subject along with English, Maths and Science. Seeing as neither the school or my parents don't I took it upon myself to actually explain other people to him in a way he could understand, but he just doesn't care. He is happy, popular and succeeding so what goes on with other people, including his own older brother (i.e me), it doesn't really matter in his eyes. He is very self-centred and this has gotten worse as he reached his teenage milestone.

I need to convince him otherwise, but he won't listen.

Re: He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:24 am

I have approached my mum on the matter this morning, she was trying to avert the conversation, coming up with different excuses to change the topic-I didn't budge, this had to be sorted out. Now. Because if he got away with it, the consequences would be he could keep getting away with it, effectively turning him into a bully.

She even tried to defend him by saying he's young and hasn't got any idea on learning differences, yet I was told off at his age for minor things I do not wish to go into. So I finally managed to 'convince' my mum for her and my dad to have a talk with him about it, it probably be a one way conversation with him just denying everything and saying he'll be more considerate, I'll have to wait and see if it has sunk in.

It shouldn't of had to resort to this, as soon as I have brought it to their attention they should of been down on him like a ton of bricks-but I was annoyed that he had gotten away with it, and it took me 20 minutes of pestering to finally break my mum down. Now if I did something, and my brother reported it, they would immediately be on my back. I mean how can their little angel, who is succeeding, ever be wrong or 'naughty'? I find the whole situation sick and I've somehow ended up with the backlash for it.

When I know the outcome I'll tell it here...it upsets me deeply that my own brother, someone so academically gifted and talented, could have a strong negative opinion on learning differences by labelling them 'stupid'. Even though he has grown up with effectively 2 (Could well be more, but I didn't know his classmates) people with a learning condition. I used to respect his hard work and enthusiasm.

Re: He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Thu Apr 05, 2012 7:23 am

My dad has openly admitted that what my brother said the other day was not appropriate, so they have had their chat with my bro and he has accepted what he said was not the right thing to say-and he will be more careful what he thinks/talks about others. From what I was told he was really upset from the talk-even though I do not like upsetting people (I feel really guilty about it now!) I believe it is the only way to 'train' others.

This is exactly what teachers should be put through-picked up on their discrimination of learning different children. Maybe there is still hope left. Still that is one less person who will be more aware of his sorroundings

Re: He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:00 pm

I think it is detrimental for children to learn about and become more accepting of those with learning and physical disabilities... good news that your parents talked with your little brother - hopefully he will now be more understanding of people with disabilities. I think it's really important because so many children face discrimination by ignorant children and adults. I think it should be taught in schools as well, although there are many things in education that I don't agree with. Don't feel bad about it, you may not think it now but you are teaching him morals & values. Good luck to you.

Re: He has a total lack of moral understanding of others

Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:31 am

Thank-you, he does seem more 'enlightened' and it is a step in the right direction
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