I recently found myself struggling really really badly with irrational thoughts, terror, anxiety and general feelings of dread.j
I‘ve had this for a long time. However, this is an especially bad attack.
It‘s like, I‘ll get scared over silly stuff, stuff I can‘t control. And the fear is crippling. And I can‘t make it stop.
Or I‘ll start to worry about anything, things that are perfectly safe and normal. For example, checking my emails makes me sick with dread, and I have no clue why. For some reason if something scares me, I will compulsively do it over and over and over again. I must check my inbox once an hour at least.
Or I‘ll get it into my head that I did something awful, something I didn‘t do. I almost choke sometimes because the dread stops my breathing.
But I‘ve strayed from the point...
I now can tell if an attack is about to occur. I notice “trigger thoughts“ (such as, “You are a bad, bad person and everything is your fault!“) and can sometimes slam the brakes. I think, “No. Thinking like this will hurt you.“ and wrench my mind away before I have chance to dissolve into a panic stricken, vomiting, sobbing mess.
I know how badly I need help. I know I need some kind of councelling and or medication. But at last, I have some control over my mind. I feel better, sort of.
More positive, mostly because I have learned to live in the moment instead of analyzing the past until I go mad of fearing the future.
This was meant to be a happy piece...
sorry, I just couldn‘t stop writing. Bits of this seem a little disturbing (to me, anyway) which I didn‘t intend!
I just wanted to pour my heart out to you guys because I consider you my friends.