Are your parents supportive of your dyspraxia? Mine arnt...

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Are your parents supportive of your dyspraxia? Mine arnt...

Postby fuzzy » Thu Jun 02, 2005 11:20 pm

Hey guys, its me yet again!

Iv just been reading about other people who have had loads of support from thier parents from being dyspraxic. I there anyone apart from me has not had the parental support theyv needed? Im just a bit frustrated by the fact that although my mum knows that Im dyspraxic, she still takes pleasure in regularly telling me how thick I am, how Im stupid and cant do anything. When I was at primary school, I used to get bullied, and she would tell me that it was all my fault and that why couldnt I just fit in and be normal. Does anyone else have similar feelings to me? I just feel like I m the only one in that position. I wish I could have support from my parents that many of you guys on this site seem to have! :(

Reb x
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Postby alexlaird87 » Fri Jun 03, 2005 12:12 pm

well, im quite sorry about that, have you tried telling your mum how this makes you feel? it sounds like she doesn't fully understand about dysraxia.
she may think that shes being "cruel to be kind", like if you pretend its not there long enough it will go away. this is not the case.

if you don't want to confrount her about this maybe you should leave some information about dyspraxia "lieing around", maybe a print of from Matts-hideout were she might "accidentaly" see it... just a sudjestion.

comparitivly, my parents are quite supportive, but i also wish they where more understanding about how dyspraxia affects everything i do. they seem to understand the basics of how it affects me, but not the underlying social aspects it affects...
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Postby fuzzy » Fri Jun 03, 2005 2:55 pm

Hey,

Yeah I tryed the leaving stuff out before but she just puts it away! Yeah I dont think she does understand, and Iv tryed talking to her in the past and the message hasnt ever sunk in! Im just annoyed with her, despite the fact that she recently told me how shed make an effort, she still thinks its ok to tell me that "theres something wrong with me" in a condesending way! How out of line is that?! GGGRRR! I cant wait to go back to uni! I totally dont need this! Surely your parents are supposed to be there for you and not make you feel bad about yourself... :evil:

Reb
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Postby Helen » Fri Jun 03, 2005 8:27 pm

Hi Reb,
Reading yor post has made me feel very sad. I am Matt's Mum and I can only speak from my own experiences of living with a child/teen with dysraxia. I have always tried to be supportive, although before he was diagnosed, when the school were telling me how lazy and naughty he was, I think I did let him down. I was not as patient as I should have been and did become angry with him, believing the school's version of events and I was on his case alot. I nagged and moaned at him far too much. Once he was diagnosed, I felt so guilty (and still do) and from that day I promised myself I would make up for failing him and that is what I try to do.
We are a normal family though and there are days when we have disagreements and things get said, but I always make sure I do not use dyspraxia and the problems it causes, as a weapon. Matt is a typical teenager and so we have typical teenager/parent moments, just as my daughter and I do and I will not allow Matt to use dyspraxia as an excuse.

The main thing is that Matt and I have an honest relationship and he knows he can talk to me about anything, confide in me and never be judged. He also knows that he can trust me and I trust him.

I am sorry that you feel your parents are unsupportive. A parent should never make their child feel inadequate or useless, but for some, accepting that their child is not 'perfect' or 'normal' is very difficult for them. Unfortunately babies are not born with a parenting manuel which guides us through as we help our children reach adult hood and no one ever tells us how to cope when a child turns out to be 'different'. Parents are just a vulnerable as childen, some are better at coping than others and we all make mistakes as we try to do our best at bringing up our families.

I am sure your Mum is proud of all your achievements Reb. I wish you all the very best with your degree studies and hope that over time you can form a closer relaionship with your Mum and that a better understanding develops.

Take care,
Helen x
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Postby fuzzy » Fri Jun 03, 2005 11:08 pm

Hey Helen,

Thanks for all your kind words! It means a lot to me that people that I dont even know can be so kind and helpful. I know that deep down, shes proud of me in some sense she just fails to show it, and your right parents are victims as much as thier kids; she prob got treated badly as a child and is inflicting her upbringing upon me. I just hope I dont fall into the same trap- if I even inflict spawn uopn the world, Im gonna learn from my experiences and treat them like I want (and have wanted) to be treated. Having said that, Im not a fan of kids anyway so I might just resign myself to a sad life with me and my 40 cats! Miaow!

Re 8)
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Postby Hermionefan5 » Fri Jun 03, 2005 11:22 pm

alexlaird87 wrote:well, im quite sorry about that, have you tried telling your mum how this makes you feel? it sounds like she doesn't fully understand about dysraxia.
she may think that shes being "cruel to be kind", like if you pretend its not there long enough it will go away. this is not the case.

if you don't want to confrount her about this maybe you should leave some information about dyspraxia "lieing around", maybe a print of from Matts-hideout were she might "accidentaly" see it... just a sudjestion.

comparitivly, my parents are quite supportive, but i also wish they where more understanding about how dyspraxia affects everything i do. they seem to understand the basics of how it affects me, but not the underlying social aspects it affects...


Good suggestions! My parents are also very supportive, but I don't think they fully understand all of the time!
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Postby Hermionefan5 » Fri Jun 03, 2005 11:26 pm

Sorry. I hadn't read the rest of the posts before I replied. Didn't know you already tried all those things. I will try to find more suggestions!

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ta

Postby fuzzy » Fri Jun 03, 2005 11:28 pm

Cheers Shanna! BTW is that short for something?

The fuzzball 8)
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re

Postby k9ruby » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:13 pm

I know this might be a little heavy, but maybe your mum hasn't accepted you have got dyspraxia and is trying to pretend you havn't got it?

Why don't you write here a letter and put it in her room, so you can get your feelings down and out without having to say your thoughts face 2 face....only an idea, What does your dad think? maybe he could have a word with her?
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Postby Hermionefan5 » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:34 pm

In answer to your question, Fuzzy, my name is not short for anything. 8) I only know two other girls with my name. It is of Irish origin and the dictionary says it is a variation of Shannon and Shana, which are also Irish. All of my siblings also have Irish names because my family is part Irish. 8) I am also part German, English, Norwegian, and I think I might be part Scotch. My grandfather's family came from the Republic of Ireland back in the 1800s during the potato famine. :)

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not at first

Postby lyd » Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:40 pm

hey, i'm just replying to your message about the non-supportive parents thing...
i was diagnosed with dyspraxia wen i was about 6 or 7, and before that my parents did just think that i was lazy and not very good and my work. they used to constantly tell me that i should pay more attention in class.
now although my mum knows that i am not thick, it still is hard at school and when i do get into trouble people do find it hard to understand the reason behind it other than 'i am just plain dumb and annoying'.
my dad doesnt seem to realise although it isnt so bad coz i dont see him enough to tell him what happens at school, but i dont think he actually knows what dyspraxia is!!!
when he does critisize me about something and i say i'm dyspraxic he just says that i'm using that as an exuse, tho he's dyslexic so he should really understand some of the difficulties we dyspraxic's face.
it's a hard life, isnt it!!!
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Postby Matt » Sun Jun 05, 2005 8:56 pm

Hey Fuzzy,

I was terribly sad and astonished to read your post. How a parent can know their child has difficulties and treat them in this way is beyond me! It makes me realise how lucky I am to have parents who are so supportive.

Mum, I don't think you've ever really let me down. We all make mistakes, and that's not something we should judge. What we should judge is how that person reacts to their mistake, and on that, I'm giving you 10 out of 10! :wink:
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Postby parnassus » Mon Jun 06, 2005 4:05 pm

My parents were distraught when they read my book. They said that if they had known what it was like for me, they would never have done many of the things that they did. But they have no reason to be upset - they did the best they could with the knowledge that they had at the time.

Fuzzy, is there a special educational needs teacher at your school who would be prepared to chat to your mum about how hard you have to try? Make sure your mum knows that dyspraxia does not equal unintelligence - Winston Churchill had dyspraxia, as did the genius poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, as did Albert Einstein. Unfortunately, Coleridge and Einstein were expelled from university and secondary school respectively, as their difficulties clouded their talents. All you need is help and time to learn in a slightly different way.
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Postby Joss1991 » Sat Jul 09, 2005 2:51 pm

My parents got better at understanding what was wrong as i got older like at first when i hated the vacumm cleaner , fire works ect and when i tripped over alot they would laugh and i would react by taking it out on them i guess they got the clues as they stopped doing it. But they still say "i know that it must be hard for you." which drives me crazy as they dont know what its like as they dont have dyspraxic. Its also anoying me when they hint to the whole family that i broke something as i can take the hint an i cant help it. But it has got better as they see that i react badly to there remarks.
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yarg

Postby fuzzy » Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:57 am

Hey guys! Thanks for the replies. Iv been away (just back yesterday) so Iv not had much time to ponder on the situation..... but I know what my mums like and that every time Iv written her a letter or spoken to her she says things will change. It does for about a week but I know that shell never change and thats sonmething that im unfortunatley going to have to accept. She says she doesnt realise that shes being hurtfull but I dont buy it- how can you tell someone they are thick and make me into a running family joke and then not think that I mite get a bit pissed off? Thing is, now Im older and I dont even live at home (well i do wen im away from uni) and I think shes realised that if shes not carefull Ill just go away and never come back; Iv told her that before. Im not thirteen anynmore- Im not beihng forced to put up with her blob everyday. She thinks its ok just to say sorry but wounds dont heal that eaily and ater years of what I can confidently call emaotional abuse Im not going to forget how shes made me feel just because shes bought me a pair of jeans... money isnt everything (not that we have a lot of it) and it cant make me forget. I get really angry about it sometimes but then other times I just bury it- but things come out one way or another. I met this american girl that taught me not to be bitter- it just consumes you- I think shes rite but its not as easy as that. How am I not supposed to be bitter when my childhood was ruined becuse of my own mohter? They make me ashamed of who I am- or they used to. But not anymore. Im half polish, half jewish and dyspraxic! and if my brother and mum are too racist and anti semitic to see that well thats tough! Im not a bad person- I like who I am, it would just be nice if my family agreed with that statement. ta ta

PS my dad cant speak to my mukm for me becuse they arent exactly on speaking terms... bad divorce, get the miniture violin someone...
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