Mates

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Mates

Postby Xx_vampire_xX » Wed Jun 08, 2005 5:07 pm

Im not sure about everyone else but I find it very hard to make friends and to then keep them. I just lost my friends and it hurts like hell. Just wondering if anyone else has this prob or if anyone has any tips on it?
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Postby bibliophile » Wed Jun 08, 2005 7:45 pm

I know how you feel but this is so clichea you will find new ones I have two friends and we stick together like glue mainly because we all are called antiscocial and were bullied. Try having only one or two good friends rather than lots of okay friends and i know thats easier to say then do. I am sure though that your friends and you will make up
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Postby parnassus » Wed Jun 08, 2005 8:20 pm

I have always been something of a loner. I was badly bullied for a long time - there are people who would do it still if they could get away with it - but most of my fellow-boarders understand that I'm not a bad person, and they respect me. We talk politely, but I find it difficult to participate in their conversations and never socialise in the conventional sense of the word. I'd much rather be alone with a good book. I have a handful of close friends (most of whom I've known since early childhood) who fully understand and accept my idiosyncracies, and they've helped to make things much more bearable. I'm still frightened about university, though. No one will know me there, and I dread having to start all over again. It takes me years to construct friendships. I don't have that easy knack of walking into a room and making 'small talk'. I struggle to translate body language and facial expression. My interests don't usually meld with those of the people around me.

My best advice would be to focus on quality of friends, as opposed to quantity. Could you tell us what you find the most difficult about making friends? Then we could share specific tips.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Postby madame_tigre » Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:35 am

Sometimes I can feel extemely lonely, but I think my social skills are getting better not worse. When I meet new people, I'm often very smiley and polite.

The last year has been a very rocky one for me, it's a shame that I don't see friends from school much anymore. When I'm depressed I believe that they don't want to see me because they think I'm dull and would much rather spend spare time getting drunk and chatting up boys.

On a much brighter note, I've taken part in extra-curricular activities - my favourite is volunteering at a special needs youth group. I feel really comfortable there and the leaders have been really kind and supportive and the ace thing is that as well as enjoying the club, it will also look great on my CV!

If I had more opportunities, I think I could make more friends. I'm shy, but friendly and hopefully not everyone will feel put off by my shyness.

Vampire, I'm sorry to hear that you've lost all your friends. What do you specifically find hard about keeping them?
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Postby k9ruby » Thu Jun 09, 2005 5:19 pm

Mabey he came to suck there blood?



.........................................................


Sorry , just a joke! :P
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Postby Xx_vampire_xX » Fri Jun 10, 2005 5:59 pm

Ive never really had what I could call friends but recently I made three really good friends I still now don’t know what I did to them that made them feel that I was no longer there friend. I had been friends with them for three years and I really miss them now. I had to stop going to school because I was bullied in Year 7 and it never got better. It was so near to my GCSE’s that I had home education. But I miss my friends so much now. I tried to take a overdose last week because I couldn’t stand not seeing them. After I felt better I saw a person from a clinic and she was the one who recommend Caged in Chaos. But even know I still miss my friends so much.

Laura
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Postby parnassus » Fri Jun 10, 2005 6:38 pm

I have sent you an e-mail. Check your inbox.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Re: Mates

Postby Jemstone123 » Fri Jun 10, 2005 9:00 pm

Xx_vampire_xX wrote:Im not sure about everyone else but I find it very hard to make friends and to then keep them. I just lost my friends and it hurts like hell. Just wondering if anyone else has this prob or if anyone has any tips on it?


I have trouble making friends and keeping them too... i have friends now but i just feel like i'm just a tag along of non importance i just feel lonly in class and ignored.
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Re: Mates

Postby madame_tigre » Sat Jun 11, 2005 9:04 am

Jemstone123 wrote:
I have trouble making friends and keeping them too... i have friends now but i just feel like i'm just a tag along of non importance i just feel lonly in class and ignored.


I felt like that throughout most of Secondary School. I've always been really shy and found that I couldn't get a word into conversations. I didn't want to interrupt either.
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You can survive this- I did!

Postby fuzzy » Sat Jun 11, 2005 6:12 pm

Hey,

I know exactly how you feel vampire person (cant remember your username soz!) just after I left school I fell out with all my friends over some really silly superficail thing. I thought Id never get over it, and was depressed for ages and also had to go to a CPN. But Im a lot better now because I realised that they wernt real friends. I know its reallly diificult and hard to see through,but you will get through this and things will get better for you. Hope this is of some help,

Reb :D

PS soz I dont have alot of time but I will try and post more when Iv got a few minutes!
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Postby Xx_vampire_xX » Sat Jun 11, 2005 6:16 pm

Thanks for that. I does kinda feel like the end of the world and I know I have to move on. The porblem is there isn't really mich to take my mind of it just small things like a certain song will set me off crying again because it reminds me of them.
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Postby fuzzy » Mon Jun 13, 2005 2:48 pm

Yo vampire girl! Sorry to hear that your not feeling any better bout it. Have you tryed talking to them to see what the problem is and if its redeemable? I remember when I fell out with my so called mates- I fell out with one and and they all followed suit- it was so childish! I tryed talking to some of them but after the first few it was obvious that they were taking sides. After a while I gave up on trying to make up with them, I realised it really was not worth it. But I remember that one of them I was really close to but becuse all the rest had taken sides I didnt bother trying to contact her. Although I know that she was the one out of order, I guess I really regretted not trying to speak to her. What Im trying to say is that try and talk to them if you havent already- that way you have done as much as you possibly can and have nothing to feel guilty or bad about! I know that this is easier said than done but this is sound advice, the kinda thing that I wish I had been told when this happened to me! Just try and stay postive- do something you really enjoy or treat yourself (retail therapy- yay!)

Reb :wink:
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Postby Hermionefan5 » Mon Jun 13, 2005 3:38 pm

My friends all got in a fight when I was about age 14 and it was hard because I was in the middle and I didn't want to take sides! One of my best friends was on one side, and another girl I liked was on the other! It was tough, but we all got through it and I am still friends with some of them. Just try and stay postive- do something you really enjoy or treat yourself (retail therapy- yay!)

Shanna-Banana! :) 8) Stay cool 8) .
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Postby C » Wed Jun 15, 2005 4:47 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your problems, Laura. I have problems with friends too, both making and keeping them although they have got better. It's hard but just be a nice person and be yourself. That's the only advice I can really give you. If people don't appreciate that, they're not worth it and certainly not worth getting upset about-even though that's easier said than done. It's your 'friends' that sound like they have the problem and not you if you don't know what you've done to upset them. I'm concerned that you tried to take an overdose. If you ever need to talk-er I mean write-PM me, don't know whether it will help you but sometimes it does help to just talk-er type- about things and the fact that you don't personally know me may make it easier.

Charlotte x :D x
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Postby parnassus » Wed Jun 15, 2005 5:04 pm

There is nothing wrong with you if you struggle to make friends. You're just different - purely and wonderfully different. If you can learn to be comfortable with yourself, others will be comfortable around you. It sounds strange, but it's accurate.

This is one of the poems that I love to read when I'm feeling low:

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


- Rudyard Kipling [/i]
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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