Mates

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Postby Xx_vampire_xX » Wed Jun 15, 2005 8:17 pm

Thanks for that poem Vicky. I'm trying to get over friends but every little thing reminds me of them. Certain things ont he TV or things others say. I'm really hoping that once my exams are done I wont have so many reminders about them. Its mainly hard because they have acused me of many things even if I did the things they say I have done I dont see how it is a falling out for ever type of thing. If any one else has any advise I would gladly read it.

Laura
Xx_vampire_xX
Super Poster
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2005 4:58 pm

Postby parnassus » Thu Jun 16, 2005 9:49 am

The fact that they have acted like this tells you more about their personalities than what you have supposedly done. No one ever has any excuse for being unkind.

You sound like you are dwelling on this a lot. This is a cue to find new hobbies and pasttimes that take you away from the memories. You can't just 'find' new friends the way you would find apples on a tree - building new relationships takes hard work and perserverence. It won't be easy, but I am confident that you can cope with it. College will present you with a whole host of new opportunities, but don't pin all your hopes on the end of your school days.

As a Jewish philosopher once said, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am all for myself, then who am I? And if not now, when?" It's time to seize the day.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
parnassus
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5883
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 8:10 pm
Location: Over here

Postby Hermionefan5 » Sun Jun 19, 2005 5:18 am

parnassus wrote:The fact that they have acted like this tells you more about their personalities than what you have supposedly done. No one ever has any excuse for being unkind.

You sound like you are dwelling on this a lot. This is a cue to find new hobbies and pasttimes that take you away from the memories. You can't just 'find' new friends the way you would find apples on a tree - building new relationships takes hard work and perserverence. It won't be easy, but I am confident that you can cope with it. College will present you with a whole host of new opportunities, but don't pin all your hopes on the end of your school days.

As a Jewish philosopher once said, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am all for myself, then who am I? And if not now, when?" It's time to seize the day.


Yeah, college helps a lot in making new friends, but you have to make an effort or else it will not happen. I have made a lot of new friends at college because I just tried talking to them and I built relationships by doing things with them. Try new things and join new groups. That's how I made most of my friends (from youth group and Girl Scouts, as well as school). :D Do whatever floats your boat. And finally, try not to worry about your first 'friends'. They obviously were wrong about you so, (i know this is easier said than done), but just keep moving and looking for nice people you want to get to know better and forget about what they did. :D Hope this helps.

Shanna 8)
Image is from "Gilmore Girls" Season 1
"You are the same as everyone else."--"Forrest Gump"
"I want you to go out there and skate for these people like I have seen you skate."--"The Cutting Edge"
User avatar
Hermionefan5
The Cat's Pajamas !!
 
Posts: 2358
Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2005 2:51 pm
Location: The United States of America :)

Postby C » Fri Jun 24, 2005 4:28 pm

parnassus wrote:
If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling [/i]


That is one of my favourite poems Vicky :D :D :D

The only thing that really puts me off that poem is the last line 'And--which is more--you'll be a man, my son!' That last line just ruins the poem. It sounds like slang and I find it stupid and sexist.

My tips for making friends are to smile at people and try and engage them into conversation by asking them open-ended questions. Open ended questions are hard to think of sometimes, closed questions can be turned into open ones quite easily sometimes though. Asking open-ended questions actually makes your life easier because, hopefully, people will respond with long answers that give you more information to carry on the conversation with.

Asking people questions about themselves is also a good idea, people love to talk about themselves and will be pleased you are showing an interest in their life. Once people are talking to you, give them your undivided attention,try to maintain eye contact at least some of the time and really listen to their response. People (myself included) generally do not listen enough. Listening is a valuable skill.
C
The Cat's Pajamas !!
 
Posts: 1001
Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:21 am
Location: Hertfordshire, England

Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:28 pm

This is what happenned to me. I hope it shows you that your problems are not as insuperable as you now think.
My first primary school was horrible. I was a better reader than most of the other children, but they still insisted on making me read "The Cat Sat on the Mat". They had stupid, sexist rules. Boys had to playwith the toy farm, girls had to play with dolls. I had two other good friends, both of whom were unhappy there because they were too smart for their own good. Plus, one of them was branded as "stupid" because she had a speech impediment. As a result, I didn't get on with the teachers.
My second primary school was wonderful. It took me a long time to make friends. I made one really close friend, but everyone else was nice to me. The teachers were great, and really helpful when I was diagnosed with dyspraxia.
I didn't have many friends at my third primary school, but I wasn't lonely. I was happy to walk around by myself, making up stories about magic shape-shifting rats and similarly bizarre things. Most people were nice to me, though, and the friends I did have were good to me.
At secondary school, my lack of friends started to bother me. I had lost all my primary school frineds. I got upset, cried a lot.
Then a guy accidently hit me with his lunchbox, and a a result we became friends. I got to make other friends through him, and was very happy for a time. The trouble was that one of his friends really hated me. The full story is complicated, but the jist of it is, he forced me out of the group. I admit that I made mistakes, my behaviour was often bizzarre and could seem antisocial, and once when he was making fun of me I hit him in the face. I'm sorry for that.
So, soon I was on my own again. I was hellishly miserable. My only real friend, outside my own family, was my English teacher, and she was my salvation.She recommended I joined an organisation called NAGTY (National Academy of Gifted, Talented Youth.) She also recommended it to another person, a boy in the year above. We had a hell of a lot in common, and I found I wasn't hy with him. I could make "small talk" because we were interested in the same things, because he put me at ease and because he didn't mind my eccentricities. He actually had quite a few himself.
I also made other good friends through NAGTY, and they help me a lot.
Anyway, this boy met a girl through NAGTY, who was very pretty. Then they started going out. When he told me, I realised at the worst possible time that I was interested in more than friendship with this guy. I didn't feel any animosity towards this girl he was going out with.
After a couple of months, he broke up with her. I consoled him. Then, we went to the cinema.
Cinemas are dark...:twisted:
Anyway, we've now been together for one year, eight months and one day! He is my best friend, we talk about everything and I am so much more confident. I now have made some more friends with three girls who came newly to our school this year.
He's off to University next year. I'll miss him, but thanks to the wonders of the Young Person's Railcard, the postal service, long Univesity holidays and the internet, we'll cope.

Anyway, I know it seems selfish to talk about myself so much, but I want to show you that things can work out. Don't let what happenned to you get to you.

Vicky/parnassus: don't worry about University. You will have loads in common with other students. Your main passion is reading, and other students reading English at Cambridge will share this. When I meat you, talking about reading brightened you up. It will be the same at University. *hugs*
Image
User avatar
Thirteen-thirty-seven
Forum God !
 
Posts: 5688
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 11:37 am
Location: Stoke-on-Trent, England

Postby Joss1991 » Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:52 pm

i know what you mean i find it hard to make friends they just dont understand why i find things difficult .when i dropped down a year i found it even hard as i seemed to loose my friends i had and the people in my year thought i was weird until i moved to my senior school where lots of people are in the wrong years but its still hard to make friends as theres only ten in a class (its a school manerly for people with dyslexic). But i seemed to make friends with the older kids ecpecially as theres only one other girl in my class who i dont get on with.
Joss1991
Splendiferous Member
 
Posts: 556
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:13 pm

Postby parnassus » Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:32 am

I'm in NAGTY, too! I post on the forums from time to time - you can usually find me in the 'Debates' section. :D

What Outreach events have you been on? I have attended two Villiers Park residential courses (Modernism in Literature and Psychology) a day-long creative writing course, and a day of workshops for the members of the Online Reading Group. As I only found out about the Academy's existence when I was fifteen, this is all I've had time for - and I'm hampered by the fact that most Outreaches seem to be aimed at the under-sixteen crowd. Grrr.

The only thing that really puts me off that poem is the last line 'And--which is more--you'll be a man, my son!' That last line just ruins the poem. It sounds like slang and I find it stupid and sexist.


Hello Charlotte,

But in Rudyard Kipling's day, that wouldn't have been slang and it wouldn't have been sexist. It ruins a poem to dislocate it from its original context. I actually think that Kipling was outstandingly sensitive and forward-thinking for his times. I can't understand why he gets accused of jingoism when he wrote poems such as Two Sides to My Head, The Buddah at Kamakura, Song to Mithras, and The Ballad of East and West.

As you may tell, I have a love affair with the poetry of Rudyard Kipling. It was the subject for my A-Level coursework...I can't wait to see more of him at university.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
parnassus
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5883
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 8:10 pm
Location: Over here

Postby parnassus » Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:57 am

Hi, I do know who 1337 is! I met you on the reading Outreach.

For some reason I thought you were another NAGTY-er named Jenny. Almost as bad as the time when I thought your boyfriend was a girl...

Forgive me; I am continually making mistakes of this sort.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
parnassus
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5883
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 8:10 pm
Location: Over here

Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Tue Jul 12, 2005 11:43 am

parnassus wrote:For some reason I thought you were another NAGTY-er named Jenny. Almost as bad as the time when I thought your boyfriend was a girl...


All is forgiven...:P
Anyway, if I used my real name instead of a parody of internet slang, it would have been obvious who I am. My bad.
Image
User avatar
Thirteen-thirty-seven
Forum God !
 
Posts: 5688
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 11:37 am
Location: Stoke-on-Trent, England

Postby C » Tue Jul 12, 2005 8:35 pm

parnassus wrote:Hello Charlotte,

But in Rudyard Kipling's day, that wouldn't have been slang and it wouldn't have been sexist. It ruins a poem to dislocate it from its original context. I actually think that Kipling was outstandingly sensitive and forward-thinking for his times. I can't understand why he gets accused of jingoism when he wrote poems such as Two Sides to My Head, The Buddah at Kamakura, Song to Mithras, and The Ballad of East and West.


Hi Vicky,

I know, I know it's just I read the rest of the poem and I get to that line and I just cringe! 'what's more--you'll be a man, my son', it just seems like a cop-out to end that poem with that line.

I do think that some of Kipling's work is racist-think of 'The White Man's burden' and he used some derogatery terms. Then again looking at the work of Enid Blyton, who was one of my favourite authors as a child, she was sexist and racist too. I apprecitate that the time we live in now is very different to the times they lived in (Kipling: born 1865, died 1936, Blyton: born 1897 died 1968) where the terms used wouldn't have been thought of as being derogatery
C
The Cat's Pajamas !!
 
Posts: 1001
Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:21 am
Location: Hertfordshire, England

Postby parnassus » Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:13 pm

I do think that some of Kipling's work is racist-think of 'The White Man's burden' and he used some derogatery terms.


Ah, but to me that poem reeks of irony. Kipling wrote that in response to America's bid to take over the Philippines. I don't believe he supported that move at all - the derisive terms in the poem are actually sharp jabs at American foreign policy rather than racist slurs on the Filipinos. I believe he was trying to show people that 'the dream of Empire' is sometimes a nightmare, but - being Kipling - he did so in a typically wry and oblique way.

I may be wrong. There are infinite possiblities in literature - it's one of the reasons why I love it so much.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
parnassus
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5883
Joined: Fri Jul 16, 2004 8:10 pm
Location: Over here

Previous

Return to General Dyspraxia Chat

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests