Friends reactions

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Friends reactions

Postby monkey » Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:08 pm

im starting to get anoyed at the group of friends in which i consider myself close too. My Best friend has Dyspraxia and ADHD, and i have suspected Dyspraxia (according to my Doctor) or Dyslexia (acording to my teachers). resently i have started to look at this more closely (after i got over the fact that it could be correct). ive reserched it a bit, and sean how everything now makes sence. BUT. i have found myself unable to talk to anybody about it except my Best friend and the people on this site. both my friends and family get agitated by any mention of it. at one point i brang it up after a fight my and my best friend had with a nother close friend. acording to her we were being very rude, what about... nither of us have any idea even to this day as much as we have sort to understand. acording to her it was ovious, and as she grew more angry at our compleate lack of understanding my Best Friend lost his ability to speak, he curled up and just stoped (he's 21). later i tryed to explain that nither of us understood and that i was sorry for upsetting her but as i didnt understnad i was almost sure to repeat it at some point in the futre.(this only sparked her of again). now all of our close friends including his Girl friend and the boy who 'wants to marry me' have disided that they have Dyspraxia, in things that they never said they had any problems in befor. as i bump my way around the supamarket one of my friends will point out that ive truned wight and are becomeing more and more stressed and anxious, grave my arm and stear me to the exit but also tell me that she walks into things with the same freqency as myself. (which no one else has observed) she finds my fear of crowds and busy places strange and cant undersand it and so has decided that it isnt real and im making it up. what i have explained is only the tip of the ice burg but im near about had it. ive decided to have a night to discuss Dyspraxia with all our close friends, but i dont know what to say when there all just going to start making it about themselves. i want to explain it for them so they understand but need sujestions.

i have noticed five main reactions people have had to Dyspraxia when i ahve sort some one to talk to about it or i have herd about from speaking to my Best friend.

1. oh i must have taht to. (my group of friends)
2. every body has thouse problems(friends and family)
3. i dont belive in learning disorders (my Nana, and 7th from maths teacher)
4. i belive taht you ahve difficultys but i dont belive in labeling people (attitude my friend found in people when he went to do his deploma corse)
5. positive. (sadly i belive this to be the rearest reaction)

any body elses exprences with peoples attitudes?
what should i present to them?
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Postby monkey » Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:13 pm

ops sorry i keep on putting things in introductions instead of the one im suposed to put them into. :(
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Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:30 pm

Actually, all my friends who I have mentioned it to have been positive (don't mean to make you jealous, sorry). Some people have seen me on this forum and asked "What's dyspraxia and I showed them the definition on this site and a lot of them were like "Oh, sorry, I wouldn't have laughed at you for bumping into things if I'd known you had a real problem."
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Postby monkey » Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:51 pm

thats briliant to here! :)
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Postby tujunga » Wed Jun 22, 2005 5:28 pm

my famliy have been great but that maybe because there is a history of dyspraxia and dyslexia in the family.

My friends were shocked when they found out but quite positive the worst thing one of them said was'but how can you when you read so much'
and she only said this because she was so shocked.

anyway monkey i hope people start to understand better for you
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Postby Abi-18yr with dispraxia » Mon Jun 27, 2005 6:23 pm

some people tell me to hurry up. my "best friend" once called me thicko because i didnt understand something. and a girl whos moved away yeah! always called me thick and stupid beause i couldnt ride a bike or swim.
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Postby medrich11 » Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:32 pm

I once called my friend a b******because all I wanted to do for an entire daywas either go into a newsagents or to the market (we were in france) but he decided to stop and count everysingle price tag in the supermarket. That is what startted the "please help I dont know what to do" post as even when I had said sorry in almost every form possible, they still threw rocks and sticks at me.

I expect he is sore because he actually is a b******.

overall my friends reactions have been terrible, to say the least. One of them was my best friend for over a year and I am still shocked that he could turn on me
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Postby parnassus » Tue Jul 19, 2005 7:46 pm

It is always difficult to understand what you don't see. Remember that knowledge is power. And as you are the one with the knowledge, you are the one with the power in this situation.

I would suggest directing your friends to this forum for purposes of 'mental correction' (good old Orwell) but on second thoughts that might not be a good plan. You might not be able to post your thoughts and feelings freely if they held the address for the site.

Why don't you get a book on dyspraxia and show them the passages that are relevant to you? I do not wish to be boastful here, but I think the section entitled, "Explain yourself!" in Caged in Chaos is one of the best how-to-disclose guides out there. But if you want a more scientific kind of work (something that is packed with impressive psychological theory and neurological information, which your friends would never dare to argue with) you need a textbook by Madeleine Portwood. Her research leads the dyspraxic field.

By identifying themselves with you, your friends might be trying to make you feel a bit better about being different. If this is the case, they should be pleased to listen to anything you have to say. Give them the benefit of the doubt for now.

I am concerned that they don't take your fear of crowds seriously. I have the same fear myself (as do many, many of the people who post here) and I know how horrible it can be to find yourself in a busy public place that is overflowing with noise and smell and light and texture and strange faces...but perhaps that fear can never be understand by someone who has never experienced it. To me, entering a crowded shopping centre feels like Apocalypse Now. How can you understand that if you've never felt it?

Try not to worry. You're among friends here. :D
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