Saying "NO!"

Chat with others about dyspraxia and share your experiences.

Do you have difficulty saying no to people?

Yes
16
76%
No
3
14%
Unsure
2
10%
 
Total votes : 21

Saying "NO!"

Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Wed Jun 22, 2005 12:07 pm

I can't say no to people.
I find it hard to tell people that I don't want to do something or tell someone something. People will ask me personal questions and I can't refuse to answer them. I do at first, but if they keep asking me I give in. If people ask me to do their work for them or whatever, I don't argue.
When I talk to people on the internet, I'm really forceful and I stand up for what I think. I'm very assertive - maybe too assertive. But I just crumble when I meet people face to face. With people I know really well, I can say "I don't want to do this/go there/ tell you that," but with everybody else I just can't.
I also don't like to ask for things. If somebody asks me what I want, I get worried. My mind sort of goes blank. When I do ask people favours, I can't look them in the eye.
Some people I know think that this is a guilt complex/low self-esteem bourne of my Catholicism, which isn't true. I don't feel guilty when I am pray9ng or in church. My faith puts me at ease.
So is this a dyspraxia thing, or just my personality?
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Postby tears_on_a_pillow » Wed Jun 22, 2005 12:35 pm

I always seem to and have always put the needs of other people ahead of myself, always trying to help them with things, and neglecting my own needs....... didnt think of it as a dyspraxic trait but i guess it couldbe
what do others think?
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Postby Phil » Wed Jun 22, 2005 4:24 pm

I have find it quite easy to say no to people when they want me to do something which I do not feel sure about doing.

Personal questions I useually try to change the subject quickly.

Some people cannot accept no as an answer so I give in this is useually people I do not know well i.e work,

Asking for things sometimes quite hard I think to myself do I really want this or would I been happy with it
Last edited by Phil on Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby C » Fri Jun 24, 2005 4:16 pm

I have trouble saying 'no' to people too.

I think this is connected with dyspraxia; a mixture of the dyspraxia itself and the life experiences I have had because of it.

Dyspraxia means that sometimes my social skills aren't very good (although they're getting better). So usually something inside me tells me to say yes to other people's demands however when I rethink the situation I think I should really have said no.

As many people with dyspraxia are treated unfairly themselves, they develop empathy skills and strive to consider other's needs and not treat others unfairly because they know what being trated unfairly is like so they do too much for other's; they become over generous etc.
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Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:28 pm

An example of this happenned today.

I went to the supermarket and I ran into two girls. They asked me to buy cigarettes for them. I knew I shouldn't, but I went into the hop anyway. I didn't buy the cigarettes, I went into the shop, hung around for a bit, then came out and said that I couldn't get served.
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Postby madame_tigre » Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:05 pm

I've always had great difficulty in saying 'no' to others as I'd rather not get what I want then hurt other people's feelings. Maybe I should be a little more selfish, like Charlotte I reckon I have strong empathy skills. I think everyone should be treated fairly, I normally treat myself fairly too unless I'm in a situation where me and another person both want something, then I give in as I instantly think I'm not as interesting or important. When I think straight I know I'm just being silly, but when I'm face-to-face with someone that's how I feel.

Whenever I take Emotional Intelligence tests, then assertiveness is always my weakest point although I've improved over the years.

When I was in year 7 and 8, I always had quite a bit of dinner money with me and when anyone ever asked if they could borrow some (they normally wanted to buy something which they didn't need such as sweets). I hoped by doing this people would like me for being kind and genorous, but instead they liked me because I had money which is the wrong reason as they were just taking me for granted. One time i refused to give money, I got called selfish which didn't exactly improve my assertiveness. In the end I found a solution to this problem by lowering the amount of dinner money so I'd only have enough to buy myself some lunch.
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Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:43 pm

I identify with madam tigre. It sometimes seems easier to make friends with people by giving them money or doing their homework for them than by actually gatting to know them. However, this does not work in the long-term.
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Re: Saying "NO!"

Postby Abi-18yr with dispraxia » Mon Jun 27, 2005 9:10 am

Thirteen-thirty-seven wrote:I can't say no to people.
I find it hard to tell people that I don't want to do something or tell someone something. People will ask me personal questions and I can't refuse to answer them. I do at first, but if they keep asking me I give in. If people ask me to do their work for them or whatever, I don't argue.
When I talk to people on the internet, I'm really forceful and I stand up for what I think. I'm very assertive - maybe too assertive. But I just crumble when I meet people face to face. With people I know really well, I can say "I don't want to do this/go there/ tell you that," but with everybody else I just can't.
I also don't like to ask for things. If somebody asks me what I want, I get worried. My mind sort of goes blank. When I do ask people favours, I can't look them in the eye.
Some people I know think that this is a guilt complex/low self-esteem bourne of my Catholicism, which isn't true. I don't feel guilty when I am pray9ng or in church. My faith puts me at ease.
So is this a dyspraxia thing, or just my personality?


i am exactly the same so dont worry about it ok? :D
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Postby Hermionefan5 » Mon Jun 27, 2005 4:04 pm

Hi, Shanna here. Just wanted to say that I voted for Unsure, because I find it easy to say no in some situations, but others it is very hard. For instance, if I really wanna do something, but I can't, it is harder to say no, but when I don't want to do it, it is easier. It also depends on who is asking the favor. If my mom or dad is, I kind of can't really say no. But if one of my friends does, it is easier to say no to them. They aren't an authority for me. They understand if i don't want to or can't do something. 8)

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Postby Abi-18yr with dispraxia » Tue Jun 28, 2005 2:58 pm

im like that i just cant say no to people
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Postby madame_tigre » Tue Jun 28, 2005 7:04 pm

I can quite easily say 'no' to my parents.
My friends are a little trickier.
My brother is really forceful that when i say 'no' to him, he makes me feel really bad. :x
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Postby parnassus » Tue Jun 28, 2005 9:11 pm

Some people I know think that this is a guilt complex/low self-esteem bourne of my Catholicism, which isn't true. I don't feel guilty when I am pray9ng or in church. My faith puts me at ease.


The belief that Catholicism instils people with an unhealthy sense of guilt is one of the most troublesome misconceptions that plagues the Church today. I am a fairly devout RC myself, and I once went on a retreat led by a group of nuns (Carmelites). They said that no one should ever feel guilty, because guilt is nothing more than misplaced pride - you simply become upset because you've realised you aren't so wonderful as you'd hoped. Guilt does not come from your conscience. In Catholic teaching, your conscience doesn't just tell you what you've done wrong: it tells you how to do better - it is a positive, all-accepting force. This is why I find Catholicism such a wellspring of uplifting comfort.

I have no difficulty in saying no to people. In fact, I am often much too blunt. I am not good at handling a situation with kid gloves - I tend to go in there with all guns blazing. It's difficult for me, because I find it hard to distinguish the boundary between being tactful and telling outright lies.
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:56 am

parnassus wrote:
The belief that Catholicism instils people with an unhealthy sense of guilt is one of the most troublesome misconceptions that plagues the Church today. I am a fairly devout RC myself, and I once went on a retreat led by a group of nuns (Carmelites). They said that no one should ever feel guilty, because guilt is nothing more than misplaced pride - you simply become upset because you've realised you aren't so wonderful as you'd hoped. Guilt does not come from your conscience. In Catholic teaching, your conscience doesn't just tell you what you've done wrong: it tells you how to do better - it is a positive, all-accepting force. This is why I find Catholicism such a wellspring of uplifting comfort.


That's what I try to tell people, but less eloquently! I shall print off this page and keep it, to use to explain to people.

parnassus wrote:I have no difficulty in saying no to people. In fact, I am often much too blunt. I am not good at handling a situation with kid gloves - I tend to go in there with all guns blazing. It's difficult for me, because I find it hard to distinguish the boundary between being tactful and telling outright lies.


I usually avoid situations like that. As for being tactful, I'm not good at putting things gentkly, so I tend not to say anything at all.
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Postby parnassus » Fri Jul 01, 2005 4:40 pm

I usually avoid situations like that. As for being tactful, I'm not good at putting things gentkly, so I tend not to say anything at all.


Don't worry about it. A wise man has long ears and a short tongue!
"This above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius, Hamlet.
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Postby bibliophile » Fri Jul 01, 2005 7:39 pm

I seem to be a compulsive volenteerer if someone wants something done and theres a whole group of people i always seem to volenteer i think it's because i feel sorry for the person who is dolling out the jobs but if someone wants to borrow something i can't say no! It's really annoying but also it leads to me being taken advantage of by some people who know that i will allways share whatever i am doing and then they do not return the favour.
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