My first attempt at storywriting

This is the place to post jokes, play story games etc.

My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:55 pm

Chapter 1:

"Mum, have you seen my jeans anywhere?" "Mum, I can't find my jumper!" "Mum, Jake's picking on me!". I rolled my eyes. Little brothers were so annoying. At first I had the same thoughts every person has when they find out they're gaining a younger sibling: If anything goes wrong, I have a scapegoat. Unfortunately it turned out that I WAS the scapegoat. Every time I did something wrong, I got the blame. Every time they did something wrong, they whined and moaned until it miraculously became my fault. After 5 years, I tended to just go along with it. My only escape was school. Sadly, 3 weeks into the summer holidays, I was stuck with them. As I did whenever I was in this situation, I locked myself in my room and let my music envelope me. It always worked, until-
"Andrew, can you make me a drink?" "Andrew, Mike's stolen my DS!" I sighed, switched off my Hi-Fi and walked sluggishly down the stairs. Well I say walked, "fell" would be a more appropriate word. Children's toys and people like me did not mix. Cursing under my breath, I edged my way into the living room, keeping my eyes peeled for more renegade toys. After negotiating the room like an active minefield, I faced my tyrants wearily.
"Took you long enough" sneered Mike.
"Have a nice trip?" enquired Jake with a smug grin. I took a deep breath. And another. Then...
"You broke my train with your big feet you idiot!" That did it. I lunged towards him with pure rage burning like a supernova inside me. Just as I was about to make contact with his nose, I turned and was faced by my mother staring at me with venom in her eyes.
TO BE CONTINUED...
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby abi » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:51 pm

wow
well done
i wish i could get as much emotion into my stories
the way i see it, dyspraxia is an extra hurdle in every race i run, but that extra hurdle, is just extra exercise, so in the end, i will come through stronger.
abi
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 10:35 am

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:58 pm

Thanks Abi, I'm partially writing from personal experience lol. It kinda helped that I was annoyed with my brother when I wrote the last part
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby Steph » Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:59 pm

I like it :D
Steph
Forum God !
 
Posts: 7853
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2007 9:16 am
Location: Surrey, south east England

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:09 pm

Thanks Steph
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Mon Jul 26, 2010 10:35 pm

I might post the next chapter soon, depends on the response I get
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby abi » Tue Jul 27, 2010 7:59 am

please post more
the way i see it, dyspraxia is an extra hurdle in every race i run, but that extra hurdle, is just extra exercise, so in the end, i will come through stronger.
abi
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 10:35 am

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Tue Jul 27, 2010 9:13 pm

Chapter 2:

There's that stupid fly again. In he goes, out he goes, in he goes, out he goes. Over and over again. Probably enjoying the ability to come and go as he pleases. The sense of freedom. The sense of freedom I no longer have until I'm legally 18. All because of my stupid crybaby brother. I mean I never actually hit him but he started to cry anyway so now I'm grounded through the "best" years of my life. God, I wish they'd just go away for a while (i.e the rest of my life). The fly buzzes patronisingly through the window again. I decide that he's had his taste of freedom, and I put my foot down. Or rather my slipper. With atypical skill, I miss and he flies a gloating lap of honour before making his escape. Shame. Now I don't have a way to vent my anger about my brothers. I decide to try poetry. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my stupid brothers would just disappear, for just a week or two" Hmm, not helping. So I just decide to sleep. Until the dream comes. In my dream, I have a normal day then my brothers tie me to a chair while they completely trash the house. Just as my mum enters from work, they untie me, after covering themselves in fake blood and rehearsing their crocodile tears. Then she enters and... well you can probably guess what. So I wake up sweating and vow revenge on them. Which I'll do tomorrow. After 5 years of "I'll do it tomorrow" I decide enough is enough. This time tomorrow, I will pay them back for the five years of torture. And it really will be tomorrow.
TO BE CONTINUED...
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby Debbie » Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:10 pm

your story is great :) liked both chapters :D
Image
Debbie
Forum Master
 
Posts: 100
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:15 am
Location: Wales, uk

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby abi » Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:53 am

you've got me hooked now, please keep going
the way i see it, dyspraxia is an extra hurdle in every race i run, but that extra hurdle, is just extra exercise, so in the end, i will come through stronger.
abi
Mega Poster
 
Posts: 451
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 10:35 am

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:27 pm

Chapter 3:

I creep down the stairs, watching for both stray trains and my still angry mother. Coast's clear. My plan for revenge is about to come to fruition. I edge along the wall until I reach the phone. I pick up the reciever and start to dial. Suddenly I see a shadow move quickly towards me. Anticipating another grounding for being caught, I turn to face my -DOG? Giggling hysterically, I stroke him then resume my well-thought out plan. A voice answers the phone. "Hello, it's about my brothers" I begin........
*1 Hour later*
I sit in my room staring at my watch impatiently. I begin to question the reliablity of my plan. Then the doorbell rings. I leap up with pure adrenaline running through my veins. After about 5 minutes my mum shouts me to come downstairs for dinner. As I sit down, I notice something different.Was that a new tablecloth? Nope, same tomato sauce stained one as usual. Then I realise. She's only put out two plates. "Mium,"I commented, trying to hide my hope "you have three kids, not one". She paused then after a while spoke. "It's time you knew. After you were born I was diagnosed with a disease that affects fertility. I wanted more children so I acted before you could understand. Jake and Mike are adopted" I could tell there was more to the story than this so I asked "Why are we starving them then?" She blinked a few times then replied "That man on the door was their real father. He wanted them back and threatened to sue of I didn't hand them over". "So, you mean..?" "Mike and Jake aren't and never were your brothers" Wow. My plan to get them on Prank Patrol looked pathetic compared to this. My ambition of 5 years had finally come true. I've gotten rid of my brothers. Forever. So why do I feel so bad about it?
TO BE CONTINUED
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby Remus » Fri Aug 06, 2010 9:43 pm

I really like it! Chapters are a bit short but apart from that, amazing for a first attempt! Can't wait to read more. :D
Image
User avatar
Remus
Site Admin
 
Posts: 5395
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 8:16 pm
Location: Luxvia, Austria, The Machine, lol! :D

Re: My first attempt at storywriting

Postby AndrewCook95 » Sat Aug 07, 2010 10:28 am

Yeah, sorry about the short chapter lengths, I keep trying not to go over the character limit
"You said that we'd be forever,How could you kill me and lie to my face? Now that we can't be together, there's just no hope for a final embrace"- Your Betrayal, BFMV
AndrewCook95
Forum Master
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Wed Jul 14, 2010 7:51 pm
Location: My Room


Return to Fun Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

cron