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My particularly cringe worthy repertoire of icebreaker jokes

Wed Nov 30, 2011 8:01 pm

Q: What is the fastest known dairy product
A: Milk, because its past-eur-ised before you know it!

Q: Why was the dumb blonde staring at a glass of OJ?
A: Because the carton said "Concentrate".

Q: Now you see me now you don't. Now you see me now you don't. Now you see me now you don't. WHat am I?
A: A Black cat walking across a zebra crossing.

Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"

A woman having marriage troubles who is addicted to stealing is tried in court for a can of peaches she stole from the shops. The judge says "How many peaches were there in the can?" she replies "About 4". So the judge says "You will spend 4 nights in prison for what you have done. Suddenly her husband interjects and says "She also stole a can of peas!"

Animal Jokes

A rabbit goes running through the forrest and sees a squirril smoking cannabis and says "Poor squirril, don't do drugs, come with me and run through the forrest!" So he does. The rabbit later comes across a crow injecting heroine and the rabbit says "Crow, don't do that, come with me and run through the forrest!" So he does. Then the rabbit comes across a lion snorting cocain and he says "Poor lion, don't do cocain, come with me and run through the forrest!" But instead of doing that, the lion takes one punch and kills him dead then and there. The other animals are stunned and say "Lion, why did you do that? All he was trying to do was help you"
"Well." Said the lion "I did it because every time that little bugger is on ecstacy, he comes round here asking me to run through the forrest with him"

Q: Why was the lonely male owl upset at the weather forecast?
A: Because it said too-wet-to-woo!


Electron Jokes

The proton and the electron are in a bar. The proton says "your round" the electron replies "are you sure?" and the proton says "I'm positive".

An electron walks into the bar and asks the barman how much a drink would cost. He said "For you, no charge!"
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