Rage

Share any tips or ideas that you have which make living with dyspraxia easier.(Please start a new thread for each tip)

Rage

Postby James Brimer » Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:32 pm

When I get cross, I get, shall we say extremely angry, (though I'm sure my brother and sister will tell you I get extremely angry). I am not by nature a violent person, I am in fact a pacifist. However a few months a go I was on a camp with the local scout group. Now, 8/10 boys in my camp bullied me openly in front of every one< (except of course the adults..). Now it was the last day of camp. I had made a fire which I was enjoying while mediating the mysteries of life (day dreaming :mrgreen: ). All of a sudden these boys came out of there canoes and sat by the fire, this was fine, until they started to ruin it.. (seethe silently to myself). This was okay, I asked them to stop, they said now so I went into a very deep mediation to calm my self down (I do this a lot ;),). Suddenly one boy tipped back my chair. This woudn't have been so bad had I not been a green belt in free style karate. In my anger (and I mean extreme anger), I attacked them. (I only have vague memories of from know on), I rolled of the chair and threw the boy who had rolled it into the tent nearest (luckily he went through the open door, un-luckily there were several plastic crates inside the door way). The other three attacked me. I am told I gave them my worth a they certainty did have a few bruises to say the least, but after what must have been a few miunites one of the bigger boys (who plays rugby threatened to puch my face in.He tried to threaten me (didn't work) :mrgreen:. I told him, "Now when to stop, In a very harsh, angry, dangerous voice (so i'm told). Thye stopped. I stormed into my tent. Extremely upset at my loss of control. A few minutes later the scout leaders arrived. (which is bad as the biggest bully was her son, even she dosn't like him that much.). i was talked to by the nicest scout leader (called pete, 70 odd.) He was very understanding. I explained to him I knew my actions were wrong. (I am still firgtened by the un-explained burst of vilonce). The boys left before the next scout meeting. As I said I still feel repulsed from myself. Has anyone else got this angry before. It truly does sacre me... As you can tell I very much like to be a thinker, no violnce, no guns type guy. I only do karate for the co-ordination improvement it has given me. I just hate to think in that time i could have killed them, no joke, I know how to kill some one in twelve different ways. Which is why i keep myself under strict mental control, (thunk vulkan here). It is a truly terrifying experience. I apologized to them. And as i said above. I am told I gave far more than I got. Anyone else ever go this angry???. Help! :|

I am not proud of what I did that day, and was wondering if anyone has any anger managment tips??
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Re: Rage

Postby abi » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:58 pm

i fond being tipped back can be a trigger for massive loss of control if im not expecting it, as with unexpected contact, maybe you are the same in some way.
it is good that the scout leader was understanding, i found that scouting was one of the first places where people, if not understood, accepted what i am/was like, and why.

this is a copy of another post i have put on this website, i think the same story may be of use here

i know what it feel like to loose all control, i have done it a few times myself.
once i was on my way to the bus stop after school, a person who had been beating me on and off all day came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. from there i can remember my entire body feeling like it was going to explode with rage, then as good as a blank, then finding the person unconcious on the floor and my knuckles were bright red and painful. i know i did it, or at least my body did, and if i think hard, i can remember the feelings of my arm swinging, and the feeling of nuckle to skull, but i would never do that if i was myself, i wouldent have the phisical strength, or the mental ability to cause true harm (after i realised what had happened i rolled him onto his side, called for help, then went and owned up to the only teacher in the school i thought might understand), i went home that night, cried for 2 hours non-stop, then played the 'fainting game' (making yourself pass out) just to excape the reality of what i did. i got no sleep what so ever that night.
we all loose control sometimes.

i find that it is really hard to keep control, but normally manage it by 'zoning out'/daydreaming/meditating to some extent untill i can safley let it out (smashing old metal with other bits of old metal off the scrap pile).

you may find it uselful to get professional help, espacailly for someone who is as good at fighting as you indicate in you post.

if you ever want to talk, you are welcome to contact me using the personal message on here, or MSN. if there is any way i can help, i will.
the way i see it, dyspraxia is an extra hurdle in every race i run, but that extra hurdle, is just extra exercise, so in the end, i will come through stronger.
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Re: Rage

Postby Steph » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:30 pm

I haven't had a rage of the sort you describe for several years now. The best thing to do, if it's at all possible, is to walk away from the situation without saying anything to the people tormenting you. Sometimes this backfires and people can be so intent on winding you up that they follow you but it sometimes really does work. Other than that, I can't really suggest anything other than to maybe try some deep breathing exercises to try and stop your rage boiling over. Try not to think of yourself as a bad person for it though. Everyone can lose control at times and, while it can be scary, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. I have a very close friend of mine who is one of the sweetest, most patient (there's not many people who can handle me sobbing down the phone to them for almost an hour on practically a monthly basis-I used to be very low about my life and he was the only person I felt I could really trust and felt able to talk to), kindest and most gentle people you could ever wish to meet and, like you, he is a pacifist. Late last year, he was treated really badly by his ex girlfriend. This basically involved refusing to see him when he was seriously ill in hospital, getting back together with him so he could pay her university accommodation fees for her, dumping him by text 5 days later, claiming that she could find someone better than him and then telling him never to call her again. He told me the other night that, at that time, he was so furious having dedicated so much time (they had been together for 3 years) and more than £2000 to her that it was lucky she was living at the other end of the country or he doesn't know what he would have done to her. Everybody has a breaking point, even the calmest pacifist. Violence is never acceptable but sometimes people do reach that breaking point. If you really feel that there's a very real possibility of this happening again, it might be worth seeking anger management courses especially as you are trained in martial arts which increases the possibility of actually damaging somebody seriously.
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Re: Rage

Postby James Brimer » Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:18 am

Thanks seph (or Steph, can't remember how you spell it), any way I only lost control (something as you can tell I value a lot), It always anoys me a lot when I find a friend is lying to me. When we moved from England to Wales, before we left I found my supposed best (and only) friend had been lying through his teeth to me as long as I had known Him. Knowing martial arts was the scary bit, because I wasn't jokeing, I could seriously have killed them. Which is not funny,
1. Because it just isn't right
2.It breaks one of the ten commandment.
3. Because I would not want to get treated like that.
I geus that I wasn't acturly concous?, at the time, so I can hardly blame the throw etc on myself. Its good to get it out of the system. Its why I meditate a lot. Gets rid of all the horrible people around me :mrgreen: (no offence) and I'm at peace with myself (cheesy line alert, I think this joke thing is coming along a bit) If there is a next time, I'll try your suggestion Steph, Probably the safest (and by far the coolest thing to do, I would have done it had my brain not decided to attack people)

Thanks all.
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Re: Rage

Postby Alice » Mon Jun 07, 2010 2:38 pm

Everybody gets pushed over the edge sometimes. It is likely that your limit will increace as you get older, and others will push you less far as you get older. As a result, you will find that this stops happening.

I was prone to getting into fights as a young teenager but I absoloutly hated violence even then. Some pepole take more or less time depending on there temperment and the level of provocation, but most pepole learn to control themselves in almost all situations.

You didn't react in the best way, but you're very young in terms of your lifespan (as is everybody here), if you were perfect in every situation now, what perpous would the rest of your life serve?
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Re: Rage

Postby James Brimer » Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:53 pm

Very young yes, 66 years of life expectancy left. Though when I was fighting I wasn't acturly concously controlling my movement. More like looking through a window of what your doing. I remember throwing the guy, but its hazy. Like your seeing through fog. I wouldn't have attacked those guys. Its like my sub-consous took over.
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Re: Rage

Postby Alice » Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:21 pm

James Brimer wrote:Very young yes, 66 years of life expectancy left. Though when I was fighting I wasn't acturly concously controlling my movement. More like looking through a window of what your doing. I remember throwing the guy, but its hazy. Like your seeing through fog. I wouldn't have attacked those guys. Its like my sub-consous took over.

Yep, that happens, used to happen to me all the time when I got into fights. Sorry, but it doesn't make you not responsible for your actions.
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Re: Rage

Postby James Brimer » Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:11 am

I know that, I am not saying its right, I am simply stating that my level of conciousness was probably not concious. (You can change a tyre while unconscious.) concious.
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Re: Rage

Postby safcjcp » Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:51 am

I used to get like that a lot when I was in year 7,8,9 but in years 10,11 I havent done it so often I have only lost it once and it didnt go to far. I even managed to keep calm with someone attacking me in a classroom I just sat there and continued what I was doing
"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible." — Frank Zappa
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Re: Rage

Postby Thirteen-thirty-seven » Wed Mar 02, 2011 11:31 pm

Rage rules my life. I am bad.
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Re: Rage

Postby 07williamsdj » Thu Mar 03, 2011 6:49 pm

Although I am normally a calm person, I think that if I am pushed enough I could snap as I bottled up most of my feelings when I was younger and I think they are still stored somewhere.
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Re: Rage

Postby galexy96 » Thu Mar 03, 2011 7:15 pm

I'm the same as Daniel, I'm usually calm, but I feel I may explode at some point if i'm pushed enough due to me storing emotions, when things happened when I was younger.
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Re: Rage

Postby Dizzy D » Wed Mar 09, 2011 10:33 pm

I don't lash out with hits ect but I do lash out with words. Just the other day I told my kind friend to P*** off because I was stressed. Try counting back from 10 slowly. Also I have a worry/stress stone. It's a smooth ovle stone thing, if you rub it between you're fingers it calms. As well as this stress balls can help. Hope that's help-full
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Re: Rage

Postby monkey » Sat Mar 12, 2011 6:48 am

I have trouble with this also. I am on mediacation to help.
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Re: Rage

Postby alexc » Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:52 pm

I also find that being tipped back on a chair is a cause of a sudden outburst of anger, but I don't know why, please help! :?
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